Giving Birth to New Life: Part 2

July 28th, 2011

Olson FamilyWe have all heard the words before 'you are just like your mother' or 'you are your father's son'. When you hear those words said it is usually meant to be a compliment, right? Well, in my world it was quite the opposite, to hear 'you are turning out like your mother' meant I had done something terribly wrong...those words still send shooting pains to my stomach. So you can imagine that when I found out I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I anticipated those words rolling off the lips of my father. To my shock he didn't even mention it, in fact he didn't have much to say at all. Over the course of my pregnancy my father and step-mother seemed… [more]

Acting

January 21st, 2011

swingGoing from having a child, and feeling the change that comes from being a mother, back to living as if you never had that experience, is incredibly hard. Becoming a mother is truly life changing. How can I ever go back to the way life was before I was a mother? I know I never will go back, or would never want to, emotionally. But, I am now forced to live as if it never happened, because of her absence. It tears a person apart. I feel sometimes like I am living a lie, even though all those around me, that are close to me, know all about my child and my… [more]

Birth Parents and Fear

April 17th, 2010
Categories: Fears

FearI've been having some email conversations with a few wonderful birth mothers, all from various stages in their journey and from different eras of adoption. I needed to ask a few questions about birth parents and fear. 1. Something awful will happen to our child. As birth parents, we either decide or are told that our child will be in better care with another family. We trust that or force ourselves to trust that idea. The truth is that sometimes bad things happen even in adoptive families. Abuse and death don't skip over a household just because they have adopted. Many of the mothers I talked to held this fear closely. 2. Their child will be irreparably angry. This is not just a… [more]

Help a Birth Mother Understand

August 30th, 2007
Categories: Fears

We frequently hear from adoptive families that are struggling to get their child's birth family to remain in consistent contact. We feel their aggravation. We want better for the child in question. We want easier relationships for all involved. We raise our voices in hopes that these birth parents are listening. And yet, what about the other side of the coin? A birth mother who has been struggling to keep the communication afloat in her own open adoption asked some questions on the forums. She wants to understand. And so, she asks: Are birthparents really a threat to adoptive parents? In fact, there have been more than a few threads by adoptive parents on the forums recently, discussing the feelings of threat and entitlement… [more]

Fear in Adoption

March 13th, 2007
Categories: Fears

The fear factor in adoption permiates all members of the triad. Allowing our fears to control our decisions is a recipe for disaster. Although fear is a normal emotion and we cannot expect to never experience it, we can find safe ways to face our fears and not be controlled by them. All sounds quite easy, but of course tackling our fears is anything but easy. Facing our fears takes courage and strength. However, making decisions clouded by our fears does not always allow us to make wise decisions. This can be true for any triad member. I firmly believe that many women, especially in today's society, relinquish babies to adoption partially due to irrational fears. Women who can and want to parent their children… [more]

Still Hiding?

January 9th, 2007

Telling others that you placed a child for adoption is often no easy task. Depending on what part of the country and the community that you live in are only a few factors that probably affect your decision. (I live in Southern California, lucky me!) The type of family you have is generally a factor as well. Your cultural or ethnic background are factors as well. Obviously, if your adoption is open, keeping your child a secret is more problematic. However, you may still be leery of telling people that you placed a child for adoption. There are many reasons why you might prefer not to tell anyone. Fear of being judged may be a huge factor in not discussing details of your adoption. However… [more]

Split-Second Parental Fear

December 22nd, 2006
Categories: Fears

Oooooh, ScaryYou know it. You know it to your core. You're doing something. Your mind is engaged in whatever it is that you're doing. Perhaps you're in another room, washing dishes. Or you're in a public place, leafing through a book that you may or may not purchase. And suddenly, it strikes you. You don't know where your child is or what he is doing. Worse, you can't see or hear him. It happens to me now and again. I was just washing the dishes in our kitchen, which opens into our living room where Nicholas has been having a field day on an air matress. (Seriously. Who would have thought it was such a fun toy? We left it out for him after guests left… [more]