A Week of Confessions!

August 29th, 2008

I wrote a post earlier in the month about an adoption themed confession on the site True Mom Confessions. I was so intrigued by that post that I've decided to do a week of posts about adoption related confessions on the site. There are, surprisingly or not, a lot of confessions about adoption on True Mom Confessions. And why is that? What's the point of the site anyway? From their about page: Finally, a place where women could confess their fears, frailties and fantasies (or their own throw up stories) without any risk of judgment or consequence. So what has made this site a "go to" place for adoption related confessions? Is it that place to confess those fears without risk of judgment? (Though, the ability… [more]

A Challenge to Birth Parents: BLOG!

July 28th, 2008

I've spent two weeks now covering the pros and cons of blogging as a birth parent. I've told my own positive and negative stories. And now I'm here offering birth parents a challenge (as I'm all about challenges!): start a blog! You heard me right: BLOG! Trust me when I say that there are many more positive points than I was able to cover in five days when it comes to blogging as a birth parent. And, true, there are some other negative points as well. But, when it comes down to it, the positives far outweigh the negatives. When I think about my blogging experience, I have an overall positive feeling. I have made great friends, learned many things and generally had a great… [more]

My Negative Blogging Stories

July 28th, 2008

While I've had many more positive blogging experiences, the negative ones stick out in my memory like a sore, throbbing thumb. It's the truth about life, isn't it? We remember those negative experiences with clarity while those that are positive or neutral tend to fade into the background. I don't tend to dwell anymore, though I used to, but I thought I'd share a few to show that I'm not exempt from negative experiences as a blogging birth parent. Truth be told, the constant talk of adoption gets to me at times. I have had to take a step back from the adoption blogging world more than once in order to regain some semblance of sanity. It has been difficult to make adoption a part of… [more]

Blogging Cons #5: Healing is Not a Linear Function

July 28th, 2008

Blogging is an interesting way to work towards healing. However, one negative aspect is that your words, at any given time, are out there for you and the public to read. If someone reads out of order or only one post, they don't get the whole picture (as I talked about yesterday). One more important thing that people tend to forget when reading, which equates to a big old negative mark for blogging as a birth parent, is that healing is not a linear function. While there are five stages of grief, I've not yet met one person who went through them, in a timely fashion, all in the exact row. Some people take one step forward and two steps back. Some people skip around within the… [more]

Blogging Con #4: Being Seen as Only a Birth Parent

July 28th, 2008

Blogs are mere snapshots of our lives. Sometimes readers forget that bloggers live lives outside of their internet blog. This is especially difficult to remember while reading niche blogs. (Niche blogs being those that focus on a very specific part of the blogger's life, such as an adoption blog.) Sometimes readers forget that birth parents are more than just birth parents. They forget that they are career men and women with jobs and responsibilities. They forget that they parent other children and thus have those joys and woes. They forget that they are daughters, sons, brothers and sisters; people with families. They forget that they are friends. They forget that they are simply human beings with a wide array of interests. For some reason, if you blog on… [more]

Blogging Cons #3: Sharing Enough without Oversharing

July 28th, 2008

Perhaps more than any other group of bloggers on the internet, blogging birth parents are faced with the dilemma of how much is too much when it comes to sharing information, pictures, stories and the other things that bloggers are quick to share. While we have seen many mommybloggers in general pull back with how much they are sharing due to safety concerns, birth parents are being forced to pull back their sharing for various and differing reasons. Many birth mothers from the closed era are aware that, at any time, their adult child can come across their blog and read entries, past and present. I've watched birth mothers deal with this in different ways. Some closed their blogs upon reunion. Others explained to their child that… [more]

Blogging Cons #2: Beware the Trolls!

July 28th, 2008

As if the constant talk of adoption isn't bad enough, blogging birth parents need to beware the trolls. I recently talked about personal attacks via blog comments but it needs mentioned again in this series. Trolls exist on the internet. They thrive on drama, confrontation and the anonymity that the internet provides. Many of these rude individuals would never say the things that they type aloud but they're mean bullies on the web. (That said, some of the trolls would say those kinds of things to your face because they're just generally mean-spirited people. They'll even admit to having enough "courage" to say such things to your face if you try to call them out as a troll. At that point, realize that you're dealing… [more]

Blogging Cons #1: The Constant Talk of Adoption

July 28th, 2008

While I spent a whole week talking about the pros of blogging as a birth parent, the truth remains that nothing is all positive. Blogging, in general, has some negative things attached to it and when you throw in the birth parent slant, some other topic specific issues are thrown into the mix. When I think about the cons of blogging as a birth parent, one sits in the front of my mind: the constant talk of adoption. That doesn't initially seem like a bad thing. After all, for many birth parents, the adoption of their child was a big event, possibly one of the biggest in their lives. Talking about adoption gives them room to voice their grief and loss and find support from others who… [more]

My Positive Blogging Stories

July 16th, 2008

I hope you have enjoyed the past five days of posts regarding the pros of blogging as a birth parent. I have enjoyed thinking of some of the many positive aspects of blogging about adoption from the perspective of a birth parent. Let me say, point blank, I've only covered five reasons. There are many, many more great reasons to put your voice out there in blog format. In my experience, blogging about adoption has been overwhelmingly positive. Yes, I've had some negative experiences and I'll talk about those next week. But, for the most part, I have had such a great time blogging about adoption. Perhaps that's why I do it so frequently, in so many places. I learn, every time I open a… [more]

Blogging Pro #5: Foster Change!

July 16th, 2008

On my last day writing about the positives of blogging as a birth parent, I am going to talk about one of the most important aspects: fostering change. Healing is very important. Learning is vitally important. But change is needed and being able to spearhead and foster that change is a great feeling! Whether you've had a good experience with your relinquishment or an awful one, chances are that you realize that certain things need to be changed. Whether you agree with the majority of birth parents regarding the fact that adoptees have a right to their Original Birth Certificates, you can be a catalyst for that change (or lack of change) by blogging. If you don't agree with that (placing you in the minority of birth… [more]