On Telling Family

October 3rd, 2007

As I talked about earlier in the week, there are many birth parents who haven't told various members of their family about the existence of their placed child. The pregnancy and subsequent relinquishment were kept secret for any number of reasons. And so, how does one go about enlightening family members and what are the consequences of that revelation? Obviously, situations and experiences will vary. Personally, I didn't have to tell anyone in my family. Instead, after I got married, my Husband and I realize that his father (and other paternal relatives) were not aware that the adorable little girl who visits two to three times per year is actually my biological daughter. For awhile, discussing her relation didn't seem pertinent as we don't spend… [more]

Silence in the Family

October 1st, 2007

An unplanned pregnancy that involves an adoption plan is a stressful thing. And the sad reality is that many parents are facing that stress on their own. Even today. In a recent thread on the forums, some birth mothers discussed whether or not they told their families about the pregnancy and subsequent relinquishment of their child. I can imagine few things that are worse than having absolutely no support during a pregnancy. Even the healthiest of pregnancies can be fraught with emotional and physical issues. Near the end of pregnancy, even those who love to be pregnant (ya know, like me) can find themselves unable to see if their shoes match. It's just nice to have someone nearby to say, "Uh, you're wearing black… [more]

Adoption and Reunion Affects on Birth Families – Part 2

January 23rd, 2007

At the time of reunion, most birth grandparents embrace the relinquished grandchild back into the fold of the family. Some birth grandparents may grieve the loss of their grandchild very deeply. They may be jubilant that their child is given an opportunity to finally know their son or daughter. They may also enjoy getting the chance to finally know their grandchild. Other birth grandparents are rigid and unwavering and have no interest in their relinquished grandchildren. This seems to be the exception. These birth grandparents may believe that the adoption was the best decision and that “drudging up the past” is ill-advised. Some older birth grandparents may cling to rigid beliefs that closed adoptions should remain that way. However, many… [more]

Adoption and Reunion Effects on Birth Families – Part 1

January 23rd, 2007

Women placing their babies for adoption sometimes have tunnel vision, and their advisors may as well. Separating a baby from its mother affects more than just those two people, and the affects are more long-lasting. Few birth/first mothers I know thought much about the wide affects within a family that an adoption would cause. I know that I certainly did not. Babies and children placed for adoption lose not only their first parents, but grandparents, cousins and siblings, etc. Many birth grandparents may not feel the loss of their grandchildren until years down the road, and they may wish then that the adoption had not happened. If the birth grandparents are involved in pressuring for the adoption, they may later feel a… [more]