Embrace The Grief

May 1st, 2013

Coping with Loss blog imageTen years ago, I was swollen, pregnant, and wondering when my son would make his way into the world. In May, I would go to the hospital at least half a dozen times thinking it was time, until it was really was time. I would spend three short days, three of the most vivid days to date, and three of the saddest days I have yet to survive. Here I am, ten years later, in the same city. You see, after the adoption, I tried to erase my past, the days before I had my son. I didn't want to deal with the idea that life existed before him, so I numbed myself, and I moved out of the… [more]

The Treasure

September 23rd, 2011

#C513480951108#P745061951108#F8#How do you explain in words something you treasure or covet? Like the pair of sweats that you have had for way too many years but never want to part from, the handkerchief that was once your Grandma’s that sits in a drawer. What about treasures of your children’s? You would think they would be simple items like their ‘best’ drawing ‘ever’ that they chose to save, their best Lego guy or their first blanket. You can sum them all up as irreplaceable to the owner, right? In our home we have one special treasure, it is a little book that ties together with a piece of string on the front and is red and blue. I can see it perfectly without… [more]

How ‘Open’ is Open Adoption

August 24th, 2011

My boysWhen you think of the term 'open' you think of the ability to freely go in and out...like a restaurant displaying their sign 'open'. They don't attach any stipulations to that term such as you can only come in on my good days or you can only eat what I place in front of you...that wouldn't appear to be the 'open' we are all accustomed to. So when you say 'open adoption' does it mean that as a birth mother you can walk in and out of the life of the adoptive parents freely? OR does it mean that the adoptive parents can walk in and out of yours just the same? There seems to be no true definition across the board… [more]

Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

What is Your Title?

August 3rd, 2011

(OLy)-758_2So often we get caught up in the titles we have been given in our life; best athlete, honor student, top performer...the list can and will go on. As we reach adulthood we strive for even more; Manager, Director, COO, CEO, Chairman. What is it about these titles that we strive to have? The feeling of importance? There is something common with all of those titles, they were GIVEN to you...what is a title you have GIVEN yourself? My titles: birth mother, wife, mommy, children's book author, friend. If you think about it, the titles you give yourself hold the most meaning...they will follow you beyond your athletic years, beyond your college studies, beyond your career and beyond your paycheck. Your title says a lot… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life: Part 2

July 28th, 2011

Olson FamilyWe have all heard the words before 'you are just like your mother' or 'you are your father's son'. When you hear those words said it is usually meant to be a compliment, right? Well, in my world it was quite the opposite, to hear 'you are turning out like your mother' meant I had done something terribly wrong...those words still send shooting pains to my stomach. So you can imagine that when I found out I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I anticipated those words rolling off the lips of my father. To my shock he didn't even mention it, in fact he didn't have much to say at all. Over the course of my pregnancy my father and step-mother seemed… [more]

Sperm Donors

January 6th, 2011

guyThis term is often heard throughout the adoption world. We consider some birth fathers as merely 'Sperm Donors'. Why? Well, because many of us believe that all we got out of the relationship or from the man was his sperm. Sometimes that's all he cares to give, and sometimes we don't know him well enough to expect much more. More often than not, we use this as a very negative term. I like to refer to my baby's biological father as a 'birth father'. Many would consider him a Sperm Donor because he was not at all involved in my adoption process (except when he helped complicate things) and has never even seen a picture of her. But, he knew

All Those Bad Decisions of Yours

February 24th, 2010

Bad DecisionsHere's a sentence I see sometimes on the Internet, whether on blogs or forums. "Our [child's] birth mother keeps making bad decisions." I actually received an email with a similar sentence this past week and it made me think. It didn't bother me, as much, to see it in an email. It also wouldn't bother me, too deeply, if I was having a one-on-one conversation with an adoptive parent on the matter. It does, however, hit a big nerve with me to see it in written form on a public Internet forum, be it blog or actual forum. A Google search for "birth mother" makes "bad decisions" brought up 1,250 results, though not all were an example of what I'm discussing now… [more]

Series of Articles Out of Ireland

September 21st, 2008

Can I tell you something? I love reading about adoption (issues and all) in other countries and cultures. As Americans, myself included, we are often so ethnocentric that we think we're the only ones dealing with certain things. That's hardly ever the case. In this set of articles hailing from Ireland, I was really intrigued to read about the varied experiences of different members of the triad. It started out with a piece by a journalist describing how her friend, a birth mother, told her about the child she relinquished. The piece is so very well-written and handled with such grace that I want to fly across the ocean and hand this journalist an award for a job well done. Yes, the phrase "gave up" is… [more]

Bargaining Chip? What?

September 15th, 2008

I know I've been harping (yes, I chose that word on purpose) on language as of late. The written word, of course, is even more adept at lingering as is the point of written word. And that's why I have a problem with this article. The article is talking about the "shortage of infants." (Of note that the article does mention the number of waiting children languishing in our foster care system but says, and I quote, "few can compete with the appeal of a just born bundle." That quote is juxtaposed with a picture of this particular family standing in an empty nursery, looking very forlorn.) We hear about the plight of the long waiting lists. We see birth mother used in the wrong way… [more]