Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

Celebrate Birthdays with Cake

December 15th, 2008
Categories: Birthdays

You might have noticed that I have been quiet for a few days. My daughter's birthday was this past weekend. While I was better able to process the emotions of the day than in any other past year, it was still an emotional time in general. I am happy to report that I have finally taken the advice of some other birth parents and now feel inspired to pass them on to you. Every year, people have encouraged me to buy (because I don't make) a cake for the Munchkin's birthday. I have not ever done so for various reasons. One being that I am a horrible procrastinator. One being that two out of the five years I have been present for her birthday. And, of course… [more]

Another Birthday, Another Emotion

November 24th, 2008
Categories: Birthdays

Today my baby turns one. I have no idea where the past year has gone. I feel very blessed and very shocked that the year has flown by so quickly. Still, here we are, waiting for the baby (who is no longer a baby) of the family to wake up so we can celebrate his life, his existence, his place in our family. I wrote just last week of how my older son's birthday brought up emotions and memories of his sister's birth and life. I am feeling something totally different today. It is totally based on the fact that my youngest son will be the last child to enter our family due to my health issues. As such, my emotions are in a constant flux… [more]

Birthday Memories

November 17th, 2008
Categories: Birthdays

Today is a birthday day in our home. It is not the birthday of the daughter that I relinquished for adoption. It is the birthday of my first parented child, my oldest son. It is a happy, celebratory day even if there is a cold seemingly making its way back into our house. I am so proud of my big boy and am constantly amazed with all he does and so, on his birthday, I feel very blessed to be his Mommy. But his birthday is also a reflective time for me. Birthdays really are for most parents. Time is spent remembering the day the child was born or joined the family in the case of older child adoption. Memories are discussed. A few tears (of joy!) might… [more]

It’s That Time of Year

November 13th, 2008
Categories: Birthdays

I've been doing very well this year. You wouldn't believe how organized I have been! In fact, you might be jealous when I tell you that I am done Christmas shopping for my boys! Their birthdays are both in the next week and a half and I've actually been done with those since last month. I've been on top of it all! Grandparent gifts. Friends. You name it, I've got it purchased or planned-to-purchase. And perhaps that is why I haven't had time to dwell on what else is going on in my life. My daughter, relinquished for adoption, will be celebrating her birthday a month from today. Perhaps it is today's month-marker that leaves me feeling nostalgic and introspective. All the same, I am not surprised… [more]

It Comes in Spurts

January 28th, 2008

It comes in spurts. What does? Everything. As a birth parent, I've learned that all of my emotions come in spurts. From anger to happiness to sadness to growth, each group of things seems to come together in little groups. I've seen other birth parents say similar things so I'm thinking it may not be a singular reaction. But, for the purposes of this blog, I'll speak singularly about my experience. When I look at the calendar year, I can pretty much predict how I will be feeling about the adoption and our relationships at any given time. Her birthday, as one might assume, is the hardest part of the year. It's a time of sadness and introspection that begins as we enter the month before her… [more]

Buying a Gift for Your Child

August 13th, 2007
Categories: Birthdays

©Frank HermersI love the act of giving. I like the hunt for the perfect present, keeping the intended receiver's personality, likes and dislikes in mind as I scour the internet or a store. I am not really good at wrapping said gifts but I love watching the eyes of the receiver as it is removed from whatever packaging. The look of joy or elation or sentiment in their eyes is the only thank you I require. However, when it comes to purchasing gifts for my daughter, it's often fraught with worry and anxiety. Will she liked what I've bought for her? Does she already have it? Is it something that would even interest her? What size does she wear? What color looks best on her? What… [more]

Others’ Birthdays and Celebrations

April 24th, 2007
Categories: Birthdays

While your child's birthday is hard enough in its own way, others' birthdays, anniversaries, wedding or other celebratory moments might be uniquely difficult as well. Close friends and family members who were involved in the adoption process, whether in a positive or negative fashion, may provide you with strange emotions on their most celebratory day. Why? And what can you do about it? And do I have an example? Of course. My brother's birthday is my own particularly hard for me. Frankly, it has almost nothing to do with my brother other than he happened to be born in the month of April. I was living away from home during his birthday that year and was trying, in vain, to reach him via phone to wish him a happy day and… [more]

Being Present on Your Placed Child’s Birthday

April 23rd, 2007
Categories: Birthdays

For birth parents in open adoption, birthday parties may be part of your yearly visit schedule. However, just because it's part of your normal schedule doesn't mean that it will feel the same as every other visit. Likewise, for birth parents who have entered reunion, Birthdays are often emotionally charged days for birth parents of all types. So, how can you make it through such a day while simultaneously making small talk with your placed child's extended family and trying to create lasting memories? Very carefully. Even more than being a host of a child's birthday party, it is important to remember certain things. Some are important to remember for your benefit and some are important to remember for your child's benefit. All the same, this short list is just a… [more]

Surviving Your Child’s Birthday Apart

April 23rd, 2007
Categories: Birthdays

For birth parents in closed adoption, birthdays are not spent with their child as he grows over the years. In reunion, the adult adoptee has the sole right of deciding how to spend his day. Even birth parents in fully open adoptions complete with visits may experience years in which attending a birthday party is not an option. With all of the emotional ties to the day added to the sorrow of being separated, is there any way to "celebrate" such an occasion? Can we do more than just "survive?" In my experience, yes and no. While we have a fully open adoption with visits, I have missed one birthday party and will be missing another this year. While some would say that I have more to celebrate because I know… [more]