Making an Adoption Plan, pt 2

August 24th, 2006
Categories: Archives

In my last piece I discussed the different types of adoptions that are now available, open, semi-open and closed. In this piece I’ll discuss the three ways to go about placing your child for adoption: agency, private and safe – baby havens. There are pros and cons to each of these. Agency adoptions take place through a profit or non-profit social services agency. These agencies usually provide first parent services at no charge because they wouldn’t have a program if it weren’t for first parents. There are many things to consider when choosing an agency and some of those things can be found here. I believe that one of the most important things to consider when choosing an agency is their focus on first parents. A good… [more]

Making an Adoption Plan, pt. 1

August 23rd, 2006
Categories: Archives

Young women find themselves in the situation of an unplanned pregnancy every day, all over the country. There are resources right here at Adoption.com for those facing an unexpected pregnancy. We have a site dedicated to information as well as a forum. One of the options when faced with an unexpected pregnancy is to make an adoption plan. There are several kinds of adoption and several ways to pursue adoption. So what are the different kinds of adoption? There are three different kinds to consider: open, semi-open and closed. The thing about choosing adoption for your child is that you are doing for their benefit not yours. So when agencies or other adoption professionals tell you to choose a level of openness comfortable for you, remember… [more]

Healthy, Happy Visits

August 22nd, 2006
Categories: Archives

One of the most rewarding parts of open adoption is the visit. One of the hardest parents of open adoption is the visit. Sometimes scheduling them can also be very difficult. I haven’t seen my Punkin since December, that is far too long, but making time to see him doesn’t get any easier. I just got a new job. New jobs take time because scheduling is uncertain. Right now all I know are my current hours, not even what I will be working next week. I know I have the weekend off, but then I run into money problems. Must have that first paycheck in order to go anywhere. So I’m running to problems scheduling even though it is just me… [more]

Journaling

August 21st, 2006
Categories: Archives

How many of you keep a journal? I do, two of them in fact. A private one and one for Punkin when he grows up. Journals are an excellent way to work out your feelings about issues related to most anything, work, love, and adoption issues, whatever. I keep some of my things in my private journal, details of my life that no one else needs to know. So what do I write about for Punkin? I write about important things that I am doing. I write about things that my family and his first family are up to. I write about how much I love him of course I talk about the good times between his first father and I. I also include how… [more]

Lost or Placed?

August 21st, 2006
Categories: Archives

Every first mother or father feels differently about the terms used to describe the adoptions he or she has involvement with. Most people no longer use the terms gave up. Many of us say we placed our child for adoption or we made an adoption for our child. These terms are meant to soften the blow of adoption for our children. In our hearts we never really give up our kids, we always love them; hence the moving away from the terms gave up. Sometimes as first parents it is our job to soften the blow of adoption for our children and hide some of our pain from them, especially when they are young. The may not be easy as much of our adoption… [more]

Rhubarb Torte

August 11th, 2006
Categories: Archives

I thought I would share a great recipe today. If you like rhubarb this will be right up your alley. It makes a good size pan so it will feed a crowd. Mom makes this recipe for dad all the time. She does sometimes split it into two 8x8 pans so that she can share it with a friend. Mom grows her own rhubarb in the back yard. Rhubarb can be purchased in season in the grocery store. It doesn’t take as much as it may seem to make the five cups required for the recipe. This makes a great dessert in the spring time to go with hamburgers and hot dogs or chicken breasts on the grill. 1 Cup Butter 4 Tablespoons Sugar 2… [more]

Accepting Our Children

August 11th, 2006
Categories: Archives

One of the hardest things about reunion may be accepting our children as they are. We as first mom and dads did not raise our kids and so they may not have turned out as we would like. It is hard to realize that our children’s adoptive parents do the best they can and that they maybe did things differently than we would have. Realizing that they are different parents than we may have been to our children is the first step in accepting our kids for who they are. Our children are different than the babies that we surrendered so many years ago. They may have different core values than we do, they may have been raised differently than our other children. We need to… [more]

Letting Go

August 10th, 2006
Categories: Archives

My mom and I were talking about Punkin and how things are with his adoptive parents. We have a good relationship, the three of us, I love his mom and dad and I hope they love me back. That doesn’t mean though that I get to horn in on their relationship with our son. I still have to respect that they are his parents and they make the choices for him whether I like them or not. Fortunately he is still young enough that we don’t disagree on anything. I am sure that someday we will and that it will be important for me to be able to keep my mouth shut on the matter at hand. I think that is one of the hardest things… [more]

Non Involvement from the Other First Parent

August 9th, 2006
Categories: Archives

What do you do when the other first parent decides that they don’t want to be a part of your child’s life anymore? Or when your child’s parents decide that it is inappropriate for your child to have contact with the other parent? This makes for a sticky situation, because you may feel as though you are left holding the ball. How do you explain to your child that their other first parent still loves them but they aren’t interested in being part of their life? Maybe you don’t, maybe you let your child’s parents take care of that difficult explanation. Maybe it isn’t your place to explain what is going on with your former boyfriend or girlfriend. Someday your child may ask you… [more]

Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Pt 2

August 8th, 2006
Categories: Archives

So in my last entry I talked about breaking up with Danny and I mentioned that it would probably affect our adoption situation as it stands now. I really didn’t mention why in the last post because it is a reason so big that it deserves a post of its own. Danny has decided that he is transgender. In other words he feels that he should have been born a woman. It is a pretty big deal to cope with this as his girlfriend let alone knowing that our child will know this someday. What will we tell Punkin as he grows up and Danny is no longer in the picture? Danny being in the picture has nothing to do with Punkin’s parents right now, as… [more]