Perspective And Truths

July 10th, 2013

heartPerspective is everything. Earlier this week, I received a comment that insinuating that I was playing a victim when I wasn't really one. The truth is, I don't often hear much in terms of criticism when it comes to sharing my adoption story. I assume that is because I've always been so open, honest and raw about my feelings, my experiences, and what I generally believe now. I'm also okay with someone disagreeing with my point of view; the adoption dynamic is so diverse, and really evolves quickly. Hearing other points of view helps me to reexamine my own feelings and thoughts regarding adoption in both a personal and non-person manner. What I don't like is when someone criticizes my experience. Unfortunately, I was… [more]

Embrace The Grief

May 1st, 2013

Coping with Loss blog imageTen years ago, I was swollen, pregnant, and wondering when my son would make his way into the world. In May, I would go to the hospital at least half a dozen times thinking it was time, until it was really was time. I would spend three short days, three of the most vivid days to date, and three of the saddest days I have yet to survive. Here I am, ten years later, in the same city. You see, after the adoption, I tried to erase my past, the days before I had my son. I didn't want to deal with the idea that life existed before him, so I numbed myself, and I moved out of the… [more]

Secrets

March 10th, 2013

shhHer story became a secret, and secrets are always burdensome and translate into shame.  Even if we didn’t view it that way when we hid it, even if our motives were not initially shame based (though they often are) we will come to see it as something worthy of being hidden. Anything we attempt to escape will come to be seen as something worthy of escape. There was a time when I skirted the topic in conversation. Every time I had to twist or orchestrate an answer so as to steer away from what I was hiding, I felt uncomfortable and sad. I think some of us, instead of heeding that discomfort, just get used to it. And it spills over. We find that… [more]

I Want It All

January 18th, 2012

2 hearts"I want it all, I want it right now." A line from a popular movie soundtrack--I have decided to write on the topic of depression. Society, in general, has an "I want it now" mentality. There is a lot one could say about this, on many topics, and situations--Let's look at it from where I am today... You know what I want? I want to stand up and proudly say who I am. I don't want to sugar coat my life's feelings and experiences, but I also want a positive outlook, more then that of a survivor. I was born to thrive. As a birthparent, I want acceptance and as a woman, I want unconditional love and friendship--no flakes accepted into my life. I hate dishonesty. Lets be… [more]

I am a Birth Mother

November 14th, 2011

birth mother voicesI am a birth mother; a name I kept hidden from everyone except my parents and my sister and my husband for over 30 years. I was told that I would forget. I never did. This is my story. I dated a boy, K, who was a year older than me, when I was a teenager. My mother didn’t meet K until we had been dating for a little while. As soon as she met him she forbade me from seeing him. So, I snuck around behind her back to see him. I got pregnant when I was 15. I hid the pregnancy from my parents until I was 6 ½ months along and could no longer hide it. K and… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life: Part 2

July 28th, 2011

Olson FamilyWe have all heard the words before 'you are just like your mother' or 'you are your father's son'. When you hear those words said it is usually meant to be a compliment, right? Well, in my world it was quite the opposite, to hear 'you are turning out like your mother' meant I had done something terribly wrong...those words still send shooting pains to my stomach. So you can imagine that when I found out I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I anticipated those words rolling off the lips of my father. To my shock he didn't even mention it, in fact he didn't have much to say at all. Over the course of my pregnancy my father and step-mother seemed… [more]

Acting

January 21st, 2011

swingGoing from having a child, and feeling the change that comes from being a mother, back to living as if you never had that experience, is incredibly hard. Becoming a mother is truly life changing. How can I ever go back to the way life was before I was a mother? I know I never will go back, or would never want to, emotionally. But, I am now forced to live as if it never happened, because of her absence. It tears a person apart. I feel sometimes like I am living a lie, even though all those around me, that are close to me, know all about my child and my… [more]

Strength

January 16th, 2011

strength"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."  -Anonymous As a birth mom, one of the things I have heard the most from others is 'I could never do that' or 'I don't think I could ever be that strong or unselfish'. It doesn't bother me to hear these things, I often think they are meant as compliments. But, I just realize that they can't understand the situation I was put in. I love this quote (above) because I know it is so true! You never know what you are capable of until you are actually presented with the situation. I used to think of myself as such a

My Placement Experience

January 5th, 2011

My family and I at PlacementI chose to be as comfortable as possible at my placement. I wanted it to be one of the things I had control over and got to plan. And, it went even better than I had planned it to go in my head.

I decided to have it at my parent’s home, with all my family there. My parents and my four siblings sat on the left of me while I held baby E. The adoptive couple and their daughter M sat to the right of me. My case worker was there as well to help mediate. I had shared with him how I wanted things to go beforehand and… [more]

Changing Sensitivity Level

March 29th, 2010

BooksThere was a time in my adoption journey when I couldn't stand to see birth parents presented as anything but perfect human beings. Movies, fictional books and news articles that played into stereotypes would wind me into a tizzy of epic proportions. I would rant for days on end about the injustice of it all. I'm over it. While I still get upset when legitimate news sources miss the mark on portraying birth parents properly, fictional characterizations of birth parents rarely get me worked up. I had been noticing my changing sensitivity level over the past few years but it really hit me when I read a book last week. Three Weeks to Say Goodbye by CJ Box is a book that would have, at… [more]