Questions, Doubts and Acceptance

November 27th, 2011

question_markA recent online discussion that bashed Birth-First parents left me really irate for a moment,  but then I thought, what if she was right? What if I don't matter? I can't fully explain it but  the conversation dulled me. The content itself isn't important but I wonder, will it matter that I love him? I knowingly and with sound(ish) mind, signed my rights away to being anything but a blurb in his life. Everything else, all the pictures and phone calls, the once a year visits, those are gifts. Yet I think about him every day, and I can't even fathom not thinking about him, or sending him love in my thoughts and prayers. Where do I really fit? Where is the niche in… [more]

How ‘Open’ is Open Adoption

August 24th, 2011

My boysWhen you think of the term 'open' you think of the ability to freely go in and out...like a restaurant displaying their sign 'open'. They don't attach any stipulations to that term such as you can only come in on my good days or you can only eat what I place in front of you...that wouldn't appear to be the 'open' we are all accustomed to. So when you say 'open adoption' does it mean that as a birth mother you can walk in and out of the life of the adoptive parents freely? OR does it mean that the adoptive parents can walk in and out of yours just the same? There seems to be no true definition across the board… [more]

Day’s Like These…

August 11th, 2011

Birthday smileWe all carry around with us special dates in our mind, be it birthday's, anniversaries, adoption dates. On the flip side we also carry around with us dates that altered us forever, be it the day you chose to lovingly give your child up for adoption or the date you lost a loved one...whatever it may be they are permanently stored. For the longest time I was hung up on the 'difficult' dates, but as time has passed and wounds healed I learned to see the good in those 'difficult' dates. After giving up my son for adoption (hate the term giving up btw) that first year was difficult. I was hung up on the dates and special things that he was experiencing that… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life: Part 2

July 28th, 2011

Olson FamilyWe have all heard the words before 'you are just like your mother' or 'you are your father's son'. When you hear those words said it is usually meant to be a compliment, right? Well, in my world it was quite the opposite, to hear 'you are turning out like your mother' meant I had done something terribly wrong...those words still send shooting pains to my stomach. So you can imagine that when I found out I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I anticipated those words rolling off the lips of my father. To my shock he didn't even mention it, in fact he didn't have much to say at all. Over the course of my pregnancy my father and step-mother seemed… [more]

Adoption Would be Fine if…..

April 30th, 2007
Categories: Doubts

This post is one that I wrote many months ago and did not publish. I struggled with whether to post it or not. As I reread it, I realized that many of the items on here were what many of us expected from adoption. We have discovered that adoption did not play out in our lives as we expected that it would. Adoption would always be a perfect solution:  If babies were blank slates that you could mold and shape into a an exact replica of yourself or whatever you wanted;  If most mothers who gave their babies to others to raise could feel at peace with that decision and not be traumatized for the rest of their lives;  If research… [more]

An Almost Birth Mother

January 29th, 2007
Categories: Doubts

Although I have a list of favorite blogs in the works, I wanted to do an entire post about a new blog that I just found. It is written by a mother who had planned to place her daughter for adoption, but changed her mind and got her daughter back when she was seven(7)weeks old. She commented on one of my blog entries, and that is how I found her. Her daughter was with foster parents while she was trying to decide whether to parent or not, so her daughter never went to adoptive parents. I think it is interesting to note that this occurred in Europe, not in America. I hear of this happening very rarely in America and wonder if it happens… [more]

Weighing Your Options – Part 2

September 30th, 2006
Categories: Doubts

The stakes are a bit higher with this decision than whether you sleep in and skip work one morning. Maybe this man is married, which could get very complicated, and could be potentially dangerous if he has a jealous wife. This man could be a charming Romeo who will break your heart.Perhaps he is a con man out to cajole you out of your last penny. He could be a dangerous psychopath aiming to do all sorts of dastardly things to you. You take a look at the information you have on this man, and maybe try to find out more. Then you weigh the options and decide whether it is worth the risk to go out with him or not, with… [more]

Weighing Your Options – Part 1

September 29th, 2006

Isn’t that is part of what life is all about? Weighing your options and then making decisions according? For instance, say that you decide that you want to sleep in one morning, but know that you really need to get to work on time. You consider which is more important and then make your decision based on an analysis of the situation. Hmmm, you say to yourself, “it sure would feel great to sleep in and get some more sleep.” Maybe one or two mornings you might could get away with it – or more – depending on your job. However, if your rational side takes over you will be saying, “No, I have to get up and get to work. There are… [more]

Parenting – Only for the Wealthy? – Part 2

September 16th, 2006
Categories: Doubts

My husband is the 8th child in his family of 10 children. His Irish Catholic mother and father did not believe in birth control, and apparently, she was ultra fertile. It seems that there are women these days who sometimes relinquish their babies when they are pregnant with not a first child, but a third, fourth or fifth child. I thought about how poor my husband's family was growing up and let my mind roam. They lived in a large two story house in South Central Los Angeles, close to where the riots were a few years back. Each subsequent child had to strain their budget even further. I wonder what kind of person my husband would be if someone… [more]

Parenting – Only for the Wealthy? – Part 1

September 14th, 2006
Categories: Doubts

I can already see the mob forming as I dive head on into this subject. Let me beging by saying that I know that not all adoptive parents are fabulously wealthy. Blogger adoptive parents talk about the struggles to fund their adoptions. Besides, I am so tired of stereotyping anyone that I am determined to not do that myself. Nevertheless, one of the major reasons that women relinquish babies to adoption is lack of financial resources. Therefore, it is a natural conclusion, at least in my mind, that at least some people find that being financially well off makes for happier, better adjusted children. It is a natural instinct for parents to want the very best for their children. What does the… [more]