March 12th, 2013

nameThe story starts like most of these stories do; I was seventeen, and one autumn afternoon I received that  life altering news; I was expecting a child. To this day, those words, their enormity will never leave me. I didn't hide it from anyone, like I know some choose to do. I promptly told my parents, close friends, and began to imagine what my life was going to look like going forward. Even though I was terrified, I was never ashamed. Honesty was the only thing I had left, I felt, as my friends dropped from my life, and the rumors spread like wildfire. I was raised in a highly religious home. For my parents, having an unwed pregnant daughter was next to murder… [more]


November 13th, 2011

heartAfter I placed Phoenix into the loving arms of my nurse, and the social workers left, leaving me alone. There was a moment when hope took a nose dive and I was fully aware of everything around me, and the pain was like something that seemed impossible for one person to have. November is National Adoption Month, fitting with the American tradition of family that is thanksgiving. I am thankful for the people who were there after, who watched me fall apart and pull myself together. I am thankful for my family, the Warners, who if I hadn't been able to go to their house that first night post hospital, I don't know if I could have handled it. Being thankful, for so much… [more]

Giving Birth to New Life: Part 2

July 28th, 2011

Olson FamilyWe have all heard the words before 'you are just like your mother' or 'you are your father's son'. When you hear those words said it is usually meant to be a compliment, right? Well, in my world it was quite the opposite, to hear 'you are turning out like your mother' meant I had done something terribly wrong...those words still send shooting pains to my stomach. So you can imagine that when I found out I was pregnant, out of wedlock, I anticipated those words rolling off the lips of my father. To my shock he didn't even mention it, in fact he didn't have much to say at all. Over the course of my pregnancy my father and step-mother seemed… [more]

Leaving the Hospital

June 29th, 2009
Categories: At the Hospital

Eventually you will find that it is time to leave the hospital. No matter the decisions you made while in the hospital, there comes a time when your stay is up. With nurses preparing your discharge papers, you may be wondering how to go about this difficult situation. Thinking about it before it is actually upon you may make it go over easier for all involved. First and foremost, you need to look at both your state laws and the rules of the hospital involved. In states where the Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) cannot be signed before the 72 hour waiting period has passed, mothers and children will be discharged from the hospital before the TPR has been signed in most situations. As an… [more]

Your Time in the Hospital

June 29th, 2009
Categories: At the Hospital

First and foremost, you should know that while you are in the hospital after the delivery of the child you intend to place for adoption, the child is your child. Not a ward of the state. Not the adoptive parent's child. The child is your child. You are not only responsible for the decisions but you are allowed to make said decisions, no matter what someone else may try to tell you. Don't allow the opinions of the staff to alter how you feel about or react to your time in the hospital. Knowing that some people may try to get around your rights as the sole mother of the child, you should plan a few things ahead of time. If you are 100% certain of your… [more]

Medicaid Bumping Expectant Parents?

September 21st, 2008

I happened upon an interesting discussion on the forums. A family waiting to adopt was told by their attorney that Medicaid was "catching on to adoptive families" and advising hospitals to "hold the baby hostage" until the adoptive family agrees to pay or "pays in full in some cases." I must first off commend those that spoke up and told this family to "run, not walk away, from this attorney." Shady, shady. However, I'm not all that surprised at the concept being discussed with regard to expectant parents considering adoption, Medicaid and shadiness in general. When I was pregnant with the Munchkin, I was initially bumped off of Medicaid when I mentioned the "adoptive family" at a meeting with my case worker. When my own mom informed… [more]

Hospital Time Importance

June 20th, 2008
Categories: At the Hospital

A mother recently posted on the forums about the baby she has recently relinquished. The birth did not go as planned (do they ever) and she was not able to spend time with her daughter. Alone. As any birth mother will tell you, whether they got that time or not, that time alone is greatly important for the placing mother. One could also make the argument that the time is also vastly important for the baby. And, if you really want to, you could make the argument that the time is important for the adoptive parents. Here are some reasons why for each group of people. I think the importance for the mother that just birthed her child is evident. If you do plan on placing, these… [more]

Memories from Other People

December 11th, 2006

I'm in the middle of a visit with the Munchkin and family. We actually just drove home (their home; not Ohio) from North Carolina. Why were we there? I'll talk about that tomorrow. This is the big birthday visit. This time of year is so thick with memories that I can't turn around without running into one or another. It's hard. It's overwhelming. Sometimes it's nice. In the car this evening, before the sunset and all heck broke loose, J and I were talking about the day that the Munchkin was born. It's nice that other people weren't under the influence of pain and/or pain medication and can therefore remember, with clarity, the line of events on that day. I have bits and pieces but no coherent chronological line of memory… [more]

Unplanned Pregnancy Survey: Hospitals and Adoption, What Can YOU Do??

October 20th, 2006

Bill of Rights... RIGHTSThe poor treatment I personally received in the hospital was not a result of my age. However it was a direct result of the fact that our hospital had absolutely no idea how to handle Mothers who were placing their children for adoption. It was a complete mess. Unfortunately, I'm not the only Mother who had a horrible hospital experience. That's why Brandy Hagelstein, whom some of you may know, wrote the Birthmother's Bill of Rights. Some interesting and key points include this one: What about pictures, bracelets and other nifty hospital stuff? That stuff is yours! Make sure you’ve made your demands known to your agency representative or attorney before you terminate your rights. Also, it's helpful to discuss these issues… [more]

Unplanned Pregnancy Survey: Your Rights in the Hospital

October 20th, 2006

Hospital CareFirst and foremost, no matter your age, plans for your child after you leave the hospital or the color of your hair, you have a right to a certain standard of care in the hospital. Unfortunately, as we read yesterday, sometimes that standard of care isn't upheld due to doctors and nurses own personal views of a situation. Regardless of your circumstance, it will behoove you to learn what your rights are prior to receiving medical care. If you know when you are being wronged, you can take the steps to either right it on the spot or take action to make sure that it never happens to another Mother with similar circumstances to your own. While laws regarding rights will vary from state… [more]