I've given you ideas of things to do during an open adoption visit. What should you not do? What should you avoid? While I could make a list, it would vary from family to family as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Within your own family, you need to set your own boundaries. However, there is one steadfast rule that most families could benefit from putting at the top... more

We often hear of the fears that adoptive parents have regarding visits in open adoption. However, birth parents have fears as well. Some of them are based on stereotypes and false information they were fed by the media, society or unethical agencies. Some are legitimate fears based on the unknown. By discussing those fears, we hope to debunk myths and give birth parents the confidence to continue being a physical presence in their birth child's life.

1. By Visiting, You Will Interfere In Your Birth Child's Life. Total myth. As long... more

Part One.

6. Related: Search for the best price. This falls under the previous two points as well. By planning ahead, you can set a budget and find the best price on travel related items. When searching for good airfare, don't always rely on places like Expedia. Check the airlines themselves as they will sometimes have better deals than the bigger "catch all" sites. The same goes for hotels and rental car places. (We recently... more

As I said previously, traveling long distances for visits involves some planning on the parts of both sides of the adult triad. Just like any other trip, making your plans far enough in advance can help lessen the stress the comes when the actual travel dates arrive. Over the past three years, we've learned a little about traveling, both by vehicle and air, and have a few things to pass on to others. While not steadfast rules of dos and don'ts... more

Munchkin's family does not live in the same town as our family. While they lived in the same state when we placed, it was on the opposite side of a very, very wide one. To top it off, I moved another hour away, into the middle of Ohio. That means our visits aren't as simple as picking up the phone, saying, "Want to meet for lunch," and getting in the car.

There's the looking at the calendar, two or three times. Rescheduling because you forgot that x-kid has y-appointment on z-date that falls, of course, directly in... more

Ideas 10-6.

Here are five more ideas for a great visit.

5. Other Indoor Activities of Fun: bowling. (We went bowling on our first visit and boy, was it a hoot.) Shopping; you don't have to spend money to bond over time spent in a shopping mall. Roller skating; though, I don't know if many other areas still have a real roller skating rink. Are we old? Ideally, avoid Chuck E. Cheese and the movies; neither provide a good... more

I'm starting off this ongoing series with a list of ideas for those who have visits in their open adoption. First and foremost I must say that all adoptions are different and what works for one might not work for another. This list of 10 ideas will feature ideas for both short visits and long visits. I realize that not all families visit for a week at a time and may just have a day visit. I hope to include ideas for either situation.

Furthermore, these aren't really in order from least great idea to greatest idea. Though I do like Number One. :) I couldn't... more

D and I are planning an upcoming visit which got me thinking about how other open adoption families handle the issues surrounding visits. As happy as they may be, they are not always easy. So, I googled. And I found absolutely no resources for birth parents or adoptive parents seeking information on what to do during a visit and how to handle the emotional challenges, for ALL sides of the triad, during a visit. All I found were agencies, touting their ability to give couples a child and mothers open adoptions. Sigh!

And... more

Saying goodbye after a visit is often extremely difficult for most birth moms, especially initially. Until a reunion relationship is well developed and long-standing, there is a pull at the heart when a visit ends.

As time passes and there is more trust that the relationship will continue, goodbyes become less problemactic. However, goodbyes often remain hard to handle. After the goodbyes are over, there is often a period of time immediately after a visit as well that can be extremely challenging. Like everything else, this varies from person to... more

Today is a No Good Very Bad Day. Josh and I drove home (with Nicholas, of course) yesterday. Our anniversary, to boot. Of course, Nicholas and I now have a cold, given to us as a loving Christmas present from the Munchkin. I thought I was fine yesterday as my Husband went out of his way to comfort me and love me. Today he is at work. And I am not a happy Jenna.

Minus some overly emotional moments, the post-visit blues are the hardest thing for me to deal with when it comes to visits. The euphoria of seeing the Munchkin, bonding with her and watching her interact with Nicholas all come crashing down when I'm home, alone, and, this time, hacking up a lung in the process.

I'm... more