For birth parents involved in open adoptions with their child's family or for those involved in reunion with their adult child it doesn't come as a surprise that not all visits are happy-go-lucky, memory-making, balls of rainbows and butterflies. In fact, sometimes these visits are downright hard. They can be emotional, trying, taxing and draining. However, despite all of those things, even the most difficult visit can be healthy.

Note that I didn't say happy. I said healthy. The difference?

Well, there are a few differences.

First and foremost, your attitude is key! I'm not suggesting to hide your emotions under a bushel. In fact, I'll hit on that in my next point.... more

I was thinking of fun and inventive topics to discuss here on the blogs. I thought I would make a post on the forums asking first parents to share what their "dream" visit would entail. Nothing was too big! Use your imaginations! I was expecting trips to Tahiti. Skiing in the Swiss Alps. Treks across Europe with backpacks and laughter. Imagine my surprise when not one birth parent replied in that kind of manner.

The two most common answers: any visit... more

We're home from our visit. A full day early. The long and short of it is that we (as in both myself and Nicholas) had hit our breaking point. Nicholas, at sixteen and a half months, is cutting his two year molars. Dealing with that grumpiness as well as my own emotional issues that surround the Munchkin, I made the executive decision to leave early.

Broaching the subject was not easy. I had been feeling it for most of the day on Sunday as Nicholas was continuing to get worse. My mommy nerves, both parenting and birth parenting,... more

In the past two days I've stressed the importance of making time for your parented child and yourself during visits with your placed child. Another important person to make time for would be your spouse (or significant other). While it is true that your spouse is an adult and can therefore handle his or her own emotions, taking... more

Yesterday I talked about the importance of making special time for your parented child(ren) during visits with your placed child(ren). Another vitally important part of a visit is taking time for yourself.

Visits can be overwhelming at times, even for the most secure birth parents. There will be situations, words and memories that may be hard to process while everyone is present. There will be times of sadness intermixed... more

I mentioned getting professional pictures taken together in my list of great visit ideas. However, this one is slightly different. I'm not sure you can count pictures with the Mall Santa or Easter Bunny as professional pictures but they're a great keepsake for parents and kids alike.

We started with this idea this past Christmas season while D and the kids were in for Nick's birthday... more

Visits can be hectic. Smooshing two families together with children who have different personalities can be interesting. While it's very important for me, as a birth mother, to bond with the Munchkin during these visits, it's also vitally important for me to set aside time for Nicholas, my parented child. It's something, again, that many people don't think about or talk about often but something that needs to be discussed.

We, as birth parents, sometimes worry that our placed children won't feel as if we love them or that... more

We were taking a walk to the park. In the residential part of the city where we live, the owners of the house are in charge of whether or not they have a sidewalk or not. So a lot of the bigger houses don't have sidewalks in their yard so we walk on the street. (Not highly traveled.) D had JD in a Mei Tai and Nick was in one of our Mei Tai carriers. The Munchkin was walking.

A car was coming. I told her to grab my hand and come over to the side of the street. She resisted. Instinctively, I grabbed her hand and got her to the... more

I'll be picking D and the kids up from the airport this afternoon. Right now, my house is (somewhat?) clean. Things are (mostly?) done. And I'm playing the what-if game in my head.

What if one of the kids gets hurt? What if all three car seats don't actually fit in the Jeep? What if it never, ever stops raining and we're stuck in the house for the whole entire week? What if the introductions go bad at the library? Or worse, at church? What if Nicholas is mean to JD? Or worse, the Munchkin? What if the Munchkin is mean to Nicholas?... more

Since Nick's birth, one of my favorite parts of our visits is watching Nicholas and the Munchkin interact. It wasn't until our beach vacation last summer that the two really had any moments of actual interaction. Prior to that, they had only been exposed when Nicholas was two months old; not very fun for a two year old to play with, you know!

It was important to me that the two of them spend time together on that visit (and in all subsequent visits). Not only for my benefit (because watching them does warm my heart to no end) but for their own benefit. They... more