My Mother and I met for a leisurely dinner at a half-way point between our homes. Both without husbands (both working) or children (brother at party, son at MIL's), we figured we'd indulge in our last chance to eat massive amounts of fattening food before the new year and new diets begin. As usual, our discussion turned to adoption.

I'm left unsure of what to think or feel.

For the first time, ever, my Mother and I openly talked about the time before and during Munchkin's placement. It wasn't a good time for our family.

While my Mother and I possess similar personality traits, we communicate in vastly different ways. She yells. When I hear yelling, I emotionally shut... more

2006 has been a year full of hope for me as far as adoption goes. For me personally, it has been a satisfying year as I have spend vast amounts of time and energy in the adoption commmunity.

Here are some highlights:

1) My blogging experience here at adoptionblogs.com has provided me with a healthy outlet to write about many of my views on adoption. A side benefit for me has been the opportunity to meet many other talented, witty and warm bloggers that I have gotten to know a bit. Their friendships have been an unexpected bonus. My... more

To my adoptionblogs family and readers, Merry Christmas!

(PS - On this site, the edge of the picture gets cut off a bit. Alas, you can understand what it says. Merry Christmas!!)

I find myself thinking that a lot as this holiday swoops in to overwhelm us all.

"This dinner would be perfect if the Munchkin was here with us."

"This morning opening presents would be perfect if the Munchkin was here."

"This family portrait in front of our tree would be perfect if the Munchkin was in it."

No matter how much I try to throw myself into the joy, love and laughter that is present in our lives, she is always missing. Of course, to be honest, she's always with me in my heart. There's never a moment, especially at the holidays, when I don't feel her spirit with me. But that doesn't magically place her in pictures or bring her laughter to the dinner... more

Christmas Eve is bittersweet for me. I love it, in general. This year, I'm singing a solo at our Christmas Eve (evening) service. Thinking of Christmas Eve service always warms my heart when I remember standing with my family in a darkened sanctuary, faces lit by candles, surrounded by the voices singing "Silent Night." Closing my eyes, I can feel the peace of that moment. No stress about wrapping paper, the gift you forgot or how to drive through the snow. Just pure calm.

The Munchkin was due on Christmas Eve 2003. She came... more

This year's Christmas guilt is flip-flopped. I guess I'll never win!

Last year, I spent the days before Christmas and Christmas day feeling rather upset because I didn't get Munchkin and JD's presents mailed out until too late. I felt guilty that they wouldn't have their presents on Christmas day. Not that JD would have noticed, being a month and a half old. Not that the Munchkin minded another round of opening presents. But it laid heavy on my heart.

This year? I took all the Christmas presents out when we went... more

This was e-mailed to me by a fellow birth mother. As we near Christmas, and my heart remains heavy, I thought some others might find some understanding and solace in these words. In fact, I know that from a post that Paragraphien just made, there are quite a few of us birth mothers who are on the same page this holiday season.

A Birthmother's Christmas

It's... more

As many of you have read, this year has been full of amazing leaps and bounds in my healing. I've learned to accept that there will always be grief and loss in my life but that they don't have to ruin my good moments. I've learned to be proud of my daughter and who she is in my life. I've learned to stand up and be proud even though I'm still working through some of the shame and guilt. And what does this have to do with Christmas?

For the first time in three years, I hung the Munchkin's Christmas ornament on our very own Christmas tree. I bought... more

It's a hard month for me. Which makes me kind of angry. I love the Christmas season. For further proof, you could look at my wedding pictures. We married the week before Christmas so that we could have a Christmas themed wedding. We went skiing on our honeymoon. I love snow. Hot chocolate. Cuddling by the fire. Giving gifts and watching faces light. Christmas lights on dark winter nights. The fact that I can see my breath. Laughter in snow ball fights. The way my Husband proposed to me in the snow.

But, three years ago,... more

I'm sitting here, debating which orange shirt to wear to the Halloween party this morning. It's obvious what Nicholas will be wearing: his lion costume pictured here. I've had it on him at various times over the past week in hopes of getting him used to the hood. Sometimes he likes it well enough. Sometimes he's not so much into the hood and will pull it off. We go with the flow, really, as you have to when you have children.

I'm excited! This is Nick's first Halloween party and his first Halloween weekend. Come Tuesday, it will be his first actual Halloween. Not that the poor... more