While I gave some ideas of things to do this coming Mother's Day weekend, I think everyone can agree that there are certain things you may also want to avoid in the name of sanity's sake. Of course, those things will differ from mother to mother as our experiences are all different and, as such, so are our triggers. With that said, I encourage you to identify your own triggers and assess your current place in your healing journey in order to better know what is and is not a good idea... more

Whether you are celebrating Birthmother's Day, Mother's Day or both, it's likely to be a weekend with some mixed emotions. While you may have to run here and there to celebrate with your own parents, your own children or a group of friends or other birth mothers, the important thing to remember is to do something to take care of yourself.

Here's a list of things that you can do this weekend.

1. If you're attending a religious ceremony this weekend, stand up when they ask the mothers in attendance to stand. Ignore the eyes on you, especially if you... more

Yesterday I shared a little bit about Birthmother's Day. (Visit that post for the brief history of the day.) I also talked about the pros of the day. Two commenters shared their reasons for choosing, at various points in their healing process, to celebrate on that particular day. They had some great perspective for first mothers who are trying to make a decision on which day feels right.

Today,... more

I should probably start off this post by admitting that I'm not a fan of the concept of Birthmother's Day. But I'll save my disgruntled nature for tomorrow's post on the "cons" and save today for the positives that do exist in the day's existence.

First, some background. Birthmother's Day is celebrated the immediate Saturday before Mother's Day (meaning, the day before, not a week and a day before). Yes, that means that it is this coming Saturday. It was originally created in 1990 by a group of birth mothers in Seattle. It started as a day to celebrate... more

All week here on the Birth/First Parent blog, I am going to be discussing Mother's Day issues. I will also be discussing the controversy behind Birthmother's Day as a separate day. I will try to keep a balanced look at all of the issues, presenting some of the negative issues as well as some positive stories. I will combine all of these things with some positive things that we, as birth mothers, can do for ourselves during what many find to be a trying emotional time.

But first? I'm going to talk about myself right now, this year.

I'm feeling ambivalent... more

It comes in spurts. What does? Everything. As a birth parent, I've learned that all of my emotions come in spurts. From anger to happiness to sadness to growth, each group of things seems to come together in little groups. I've seen other birth parents say similar things so I'm thinking it may not be a singular reaction. But, for the purposes of this blog, I'll speak singularly about my experience.

When I look at the calendar year, I can pretty much predict how I will be feeling about the adoption and our relationships at any given time. Her birthday, as... more

We hang our stockings on Christmas Eve. This year there are four stockings hanging on our half wall. One for me, one for my Husband, one for the two year old and one for the newborn.

And it kind of breaks my heart.

There are presents under the tree. I also bought presents for my daughter and her younger brother. So, that's why, perhaps, the presents don't bother me the same way that the stockings are nagging at my heart. You can't look at a pile of presents under the tree and know that there are some that are missing. In fact, with the ridiculous... more

There was a blip yesterday in my reunion. Hopefully, that is all that it was. Right now, I do not know. It only hit me yesterday as I was writing that I had not yet heard from my relinquished son on Mothers' Day how afraid I was that he might not call. For the past four years, he has called me, and then yesterday he did not. There could be many reasons why he did not call - some more significant than others.

However, not hearing from him was a sharp reminder to me about one of the greatest fears that nearly everyone in reunion has from time... more

Mothers' Day is an odd day at best for many mothers of adoption. I suppose the day brings up thoughts of a traditional mother - a mother who both bears and raises her baby. I have learned that this day brings particular pain to both adoptive and birth mothers as neither of us is quite "traditional." We are both somehow different, and this day hammers that point home to us all.

As much as I proclaim that I am my relinquished son's mother, I sometimes struggle myself as to whether I really am or not. At times, I feel that I am, and other times,... more

It's "Birthmother's Day." While Coley, over at the Open Adoption blog, has some great posts about how to celebrate the day and why she does it, I'm kind of in the camp with my co-blogger Jan. Actually, to be quite blunt, I'd rather be poked in the eye with a... more