Do you have any birthmother friends? I do! Though I will admit that most of them are only alive to me in the online format, I do have some real life friends who have placed a child. To be honest again, I made these friends through the wonder that is the internet. It's easier that way, don't you think?

For example, I met some of these friends via the adoption forums. (Though I've also made friends of all kinds there!) In fact, through the forums, I "met" other birthmothers for... more

I harbored a lot of anger towards Munchkin's firstfather, L, for a very long time. I didn't understand how he could leave us high and dry and force me to make the hardest decision of my life while completely alone. Thankfully, therapy helped me work through some of those issues.

At that point, I was able to step back from my grief, guilt and sorrow and take a look at his own. He's not a man of visible emotions. I've known that for the almost ten years we have known each other. He is outwardly strong and powerful. He is intelligent... more

Just like any parent, I have dreams for the Munchkin. I've always felt, somewhere deep in the core of my being, that she was brought to this world to accomplish something amazing. What it is, we have yet to see, of course. Not too many people have accomplished their lifes' work by age three.

I have my dreams for her, of course.

I want her to be the doctor that cures breast cancer. I want her to be a great philanthropist and work with both the March of Dimes and Childrens' Miracle Network because I'm betting she'll understand... more

I have something to admit. Apparently it's True Blog Confession time at this blog and I've only been here for two days. I am not always secure in my role as Munchkin's firstmom. I said it. It's out in the universe. Yet the Universe continues to spin and life has not ended. You know, minus poor Pluto. I know this is an unexpected statement from me as I portray myself as calm (most of time), cool and collected when it comes to being a firstmom. I am human. I get confused. My heart hurts just like anyone else's does when poked and prodded.

On... more

When I was visiting with my son Chris recently, we talked about various adoption issues. He mentioned that a cousin of his was trying to adopt internationally. In past conversations, he has told me that there is a lot of adoption within his extended adoptive family.

Because his life growing up adopted has been a good experience, he is very enthusiastic about adoption in general. He does know that my experiences and feelings about adoption are not as rosy as his.

After telling me that his cousin is in the process of adopting, he mentioned that... more

From reading the blogs of adoptive moms, I know that you all have real issues like all parents do. Some of those issues may be exacerbated by the fact that your children lost their original parents. Other problems are likely tied to abuse or neglect before you adopted your children.

Nevertheless, sounds like there are a great deal of happy times for adoptive parents. Some days, I really long to have more happy subjects to write about that are related to adoption. I have happy times, but few are connected to adoption. If I were an adoptive mom,... more

Adoptive parents are the one part of the triad that I know least. That is changing though. Except for my one adoptive mom friend that I walk with once a week, the adoptive moms that I generally meet are on-line. Honestly, I think until I got to know more adoptive moms, I was uncertain as to how many really "enlightened" adoptive moms there were.

Happily, I am discovering quite a few more than I expected. "Enlightened" in my view I suppose equates to being educated about adoption and less willing to cling to the archaic old notions. Of course, I particularly... more

The little girl in this article missed her first mom and felt safe enough to tell her other mother. I wonder, did she instinctively know that she could share all of her feelings with her adoptive mom? Is her mom so secure that she puts no restrictions on how much her daughter is "allowed" to love her birth mom? Are children capable of loving two moms?

Many moms know that adopted children sometimes miss their birth moms even before they are able to express... more

When we talk about the harm that some adoptees experience through adoption, we speak of their “adoption issues.” Sometimes the way that they were raised, and how their adoption was handled certainly does affect many adoptees. However, I would venture to say that many adoptees are harmed even more, not by their adoption per se, but, by their relinquishment. This is a really important distinction. Some adoptive parents bristle at any mention that their children have any adoption issues. It is not an indictment of them however. They may feel that it is a reflection... more

What causes all the dissension and the often predictable opposing views on nearly every adoption issue between birth and adoptive moms? I think the answer is very complicated. First, I will say that it is very gratifying to me that many adoptive moms now have a better understanding of birth moms and their issues. However, there is still a great deal of predictability about the typical birth mother or adoptive mom stances on many issues.

For instance, most adoptive mothers believe that adoption is a wonderful experience, and therefore want to promote and encourage adoption. Many... more