Every so often, adoptive parents pose the question "Should I feel guilty for having adopted?"" Some adoptive parents say that they do feel guilty. Others express the angry opinion that they think birth parents believe that they should feel guilty.

Although I am not an adoptive parent, I think if I were that I would feel somewhat indignant at the notion that I should feel guilty because I adopted a child. After all, I believe that the majority of people who adopt have good intentions.... more

The key to succeeding in adoption is to never lose sight that adoption is supposed to serve our children's interests first. For both sets of parents, to maintain a amicable relationship can be of great benefit for a child. I realize that this is not always possible.

Here are a few reminders to aid you in getting along with your child's other parents:

1. For birth parents, unless asked, keep mum on any child-raising issues. Only in rare situations will the adoptive parents seek or appreciate your opinions on child-raising. They are entitled... more

Although I knew that some birth mothers were none too fond of adoptive parents in general, I did not realize how much public scorn some adoptive parents face. First, let's talk about how some birth parents view adoptive parents in a prejudical manner.

Please keep in mind that the majority of the birth parents that I tend to meet are searching or in reunion. The only birth parents that I know in open adoptions are on line. The feelings that birth parents have towards adoptive parents vary depending on many factors.

A few of the reunited... more

My husband mentioned the other day what a unique adoption story Nicole Richie has and suggested it as a blog topic. We saw an interview with Lionel Ritchie on television some time ago, and he discussed his daughter’s adoption.

My dear husband was blown away at the whole story about why Nicole came to be adopted by the Richies. I was astounded that Lionel Ritchie would share a story that would cast him in such a negative light. Maybe he did not realize how bad it would sound. Another possibility is that he did not care, and/or was just being honest. Nevertheless, it... more

Deb referenced this article recently and upon reading it, I found all sorts of gems of wisdom within it. The author, Marcy Wineman Axness, is an adoptee who lives in California. She has a PhD in early human development and writes and lectures nationwide on adoption and pre and perinatal issues.

"Adoptive parents are really trying to do the right thing, and it feels like avoiding pain is the right thing, but it truly is not,"... more

Adult Adoptee Health Survey

Are you a female adoptee at least 40 years of age? If so, you're invited to participate in an important research study about how adopted persons take care of their health.

A perfect opportunity for adoptees to speak out is through this survey. It is being conducted by an adult adoptee working on her doctoral degree in the College of Public Health at The University of Georgia.

The unspoken "proper" behavior for... more

Heard the expression, seeing red? Sometimes that is my reaction when I hear complaints about adoptees who are negative or angry. Some adoptive parents get all squirmy and uncomfortable when adoptees say anything negative about adoption. They may consider it a person affront.

Adoptees are not supposed to ever be unhappy, have issues or acknowledge that adoption is on their minds too often. Some adoptive parents just do not want to hear anything but "happy" talk from adoptees.

Even when adoptees say they that they have had issues, but resolved them, that... more

Part 1.

What if you phrased a harsh reality such as an alcholic parent in a less judgmental and more compassionate manner? Obviously, not too many people would actually make the insensitive remark that I mentioned in part one. However, it is tough to know how to couch sensitive subjects.

How about, “Your mom tried hard to conquer her addiction to alcohol. Yet as much as she loves you and wanted to get her disease under control, she could not manage to do so. Some people are stronger than... more

As much as I talk about the effects of adoption on mothers who relinquish children to adoption, I am more concerned about how adoption affects children. People expect that because I am a birth mom that I care more about how adoption affects birth parents. That is not the case.

If a woman is not motivated to parent or cannot successfully do so because she has drug, alcohol or abuse issues, she will probably not make a great parent. Unless a family member can raise the child of a woman unable to parent, adoption may be the best solution. When I truly... more

On my son Chris' last visit to our town, he and I were out one Saturday afternoon seeing some local sights. When hunger pangs made us both think it was time for a snack, I suggested my favorite French gourmet food shop, Nicole's. Although they mainly carry specialty cooking items, including the yummiest cheeses ever, they also have a cafe and serve breakfast and lunch.

On Saturdays mornings, they have a limited supply of freshly baked pain du chocolat (chocolate croissants.) Since my daughter, granddaughter and I all love their version of this French treat,... more