If not, say, "I don't."

Apparently the marriage -slash- open adoption analogy is over the heads of some of our readers. I knew that going into the post but stepped out in faith that the intelligent among us could do some mental exercising and reach for the similarities. As some fell flat, I started searching for some definitions and anecdotal evidence (read: blog posts!) to further drive the analogy home. In doing so, I've been given what will probably... more

So as not to single out adoptive parents as the sole reason communication fails and to better help birth parents feel their way through a difficult conversation, I will address birth parents and the proper ways to discuss hard feelings. (Though I thought that was covered quite well in my post "Tips on Communicating Within the Triad.") Even still, when it comes to the big issues surrounding communication between... more

We hear, from birth parents, adoptive parents and professionals alike, that to have a working and strong open adoption, the air waves of communication need to be open and working from both ends. As adults, we understand that at the very core of every successful relationship is a successful communications center. The flow of information from one side of the adult triad to the other is absolutely vital in getting through some of the hardest transitions.

And yet some people don't want birth parents to be that open and honest.

I'm continuously... more

Problems and hard times can fall on any family. No matter how the people contained within the family unit came together, they are not exempt from things like health problems and financial issues. Unfortunately, as a birth parent, even in the most open of adoptions, when things happen to your child's adoptive family, you can feel absolutely helpless.

Especially if you are an inherently helpful person, watching your child's family falter through their own hardship can be difficult. Sometimes, especially when it comes to handling... more

Is there a proper way to voice your experience in adoption, either in the real world or the blogosphere? Sometimes I am left to doubt whether or not we can ever truly share our personal experiences without feeling like we've been raked over hot coals in the aftermath, especially when it comes to blogs and commenting. Often times the common rules of etiquette don't apply to internet "discussions," leaving those involved feeling verbally abused. Why is this happening? Why are we, in the adoption triad,... more

Celia and Frank adopted their daughter when she was 18 months old. By that time, they had already adopted her brother as well from foster care. He was five years old and I was one of their first babysitters. Celia and I have been friends for about twenty years.

Last weekend, I had a party to attend to celebration their daughter's 18th birthday and her high school graduation. Mixed emotions nearly caused me to call and cancel as I really did not want to go.

To say that her husband is not a favorite of mine would be a gross understatement.... more

Thank You for Not Forgetting Us made me cry. This article which was published in originally in Adoption Week E-magazine is a heartfelt article by an adoptee name J.R.

Thank you to all the beautiful women who, out of love and grief and confusion, seek a better life for their offspring. Thank you for not forgetting us, the children you gave up. It makes a difference.

J.R.... more

In previous entries about weddings and marriage, I have spoken about the need to be open and honest with your significant other about the existence or presence of your placed child. The question with that topic that often arises is: When do I broach the subject? It's not an easy subject to jump into, especially with someone you're just getting to know and think you could have feelings for on a deeper level than a casual acquaintance. So what's the "right" protocol?

While it will differ for everyone on specifics, I encourage birth... more

One of the difficulties with being a birth mother is that sometimes people forever judge you for that past decision for relinquishing your child to adoption. Either that or they want to congratulate you for doing "the right thing" by not having an abortion. Neither is always appropriate.

However, I do not expect people to criticize or demean me for that adoption decision. I am my own harshest critic. In my particular situation, I believe that it was not necessarily the right choice. I do not feel it appropriate or warranted for people to demonize,... more

Many adopted children or adults do not equate their being relinquished to any flaws in them.

Sadly, however, some adoptees do believe that there must have been something wrong with them for their birth parents to have relinquished them. I have a few adoptees express this thought.

Feelings are not always based on facts. We have little control over what we feel. However, feeling abandoned and flawed is not uncommon with adoptees. When birth parents go on to parent other children, an adoptee might be even more inclined to believe the worst.... more