A recent discussion on the forums has adoptive parents talking about how they would feel if the birth parents moved to their city. As a birth parent who doesn't plan on moving until my Husband retires, I wondered the flip side of the question.

How would you (or I) feel, as a birth parent, if the adoptive family moved to your (or my) city?

Depending on the size of your city (mine is small!) and your similar likes (many) and dislikes, running into your child's adoptive family without warning could be a possibility in this... more

I wrote yesterday about the ways we can and cannot compare divorce and open adoption. I still maintain that the relationships between adults is an apples and oranges comparison. I still maintain that children aren't given the same choices in open adoption that they are in a divorced family as well. But, a commenter brought up the following scenario and, well, it broadened my opinion just a little bit.

Julia... more

A thread was started on the forums this past week asking if the relationship between adoptive and birth parents in an open adoption was comparative to that of ex-spouses in a divorce. Nothing like trying to compare two emotionally charged familial subjects! My initial reply was that the two subjects are apples and oranges. I explained it well in one of my replies so I'll just go ahead and quote myself. (Does that make me seem like I have... more

A first mother on a private adoption discussion recently posed a real-life question. I won't give specifics as to protect her situation from public opinion. However, in the most vague of terms, the birth mother found out some not-so-great information about her relinquished child's biological father. She didn't know what to do with it, whether or not she had a duty to tell the adoptive parents and how, if at all, involved she should become.

My advice? I told her to give the adoptive parents the information and let them do with it as they would as they were... more

Wow, the weeks are just flying by anymore. It's Thursday again. Time for another list of thirteen things that apply to adoption as I know it. Last week I wrote a list of thirteen things I want for my relinquished daughter. However, like any parent, there are things that I don't want for my daughter, too! Read through these and see how your wishes for things your child to avoid differ from my own. If at all.

1.... more

Thursday again? Like any parent, I have hopes and dreams for my daughter. The only difference is that I am not parenting her and someone else is in physical charge of nurturing her through to adulthood. I was once told by a disgruntled, anti-birth parent reader that my dreams for my child were out of place as I was not her parent. That's preposterous!

For example, I have dreams for my younger brother. I want him to be happy in his marriage, successful in whatever career path he finally chooses and to find a vehicle... more

I get e-mails (or, on the forums, Private Messages) from readers who don't like to "put it all out there" for fear of how other commenters have treated them in the past but they still want some information. I often reply to these privately. However, I want to share a snip-it of a recent question and answer it here in hopes of helping other birth and adoptive families.

I would really like to know how you maintain that relationship, who initiates the contact, how (in from your perspective) her adoptive parents feel about the contact, how you deal... more

I've previously talked about my own adoption resolutions for this New Year. I'm still determined to bring these things to fruition. However, on the forums, a thread was started about birth parents' wishes for their children. And I thought it was a unique and heart-warming discussion.

My adoption related goals for the year are my own. I am personally responsible... more

Within any group of people, jealousies exist. Someone always exists who does something better than you. In the work force, there are jealousies about who makes more money (and does less work!). In social circles, someone is always funnier, someone is always thinner and someone always drives a better car. It's no surprise that jealousy doesn't really get to skip over the birth parent contingent of the adoption triad.

Because, oh, it doesn't skip us over. At all!

Even though there is the standing knowledge that all adoptions are different and that... more

While yesterday's discussion about choosing words that were appropriate for communication between birth and adoptive parents, I think a more important issue might be selecting the appropriate words to discuss emotional issues with your child. In my opinion, one main reason that adoptive parents fear discussions about regret is because they don't want their child to feel negatively about their place in either family. So, when talking about such heavy issues like regret,... more