As I continue talking about adoption relationship related goals for 2009, I encourage you to listen to this one. Take it to heart. And start making your plans. For what? For gift giving situations throughout the year. Birthdays. Holidays. And any other time you give gifts within your relationship.

But why plan them?

If you're like me, you likely enjoy gift giving. I love that search for the right gift. The thrill of the chase, if you will, and imagining the face of the person when they open the gift. That look of excitement mixed with surprise.... more

As birth parents, we often treasure any picture of our relinquished children that is sent our way. Whether it is from our child's adoptive parents as they grow or from our adult child as we enter reunion, those pictures are a glimpse into our own eyes. Sometimes we frame them. Sometimes we put them on our fridge. Sometimes we put them away for safe keeping. But we always treasure those photos.

And so I encourage you to make one of your goals for 2009 to send pictures of yourself to your child.

When I started sending pictures in... more

It's here. 2009. Have you started writing on your clean slate of a new year yet? This week I plan on giving you some ideas to help you start your adoption relationship(s) off on a great foot. And so what is first on my list?

Write letters!

Of course, that's a rather vague goal. So I want you to define the quantity of letters that you will write to your child (grown or adult) or your child's family in 2009. A very attainable goal is one letter per month. That means you would write twelve letters in 2009. Not too difficult, I promise but, at the same... more

A very interesting question was posed on the Communication Between Birth and Adoptive Parents forum. The subject wasn't really clear as it simply read, like mine does here, "Your biggest obstacle." To what? Parenting? Adopting? Getting through the living room strewn with toys? But the first post went into detail as to what the question was really about:

What has been the biggest obstacle you've had to overcome in your... more

I cannot count on fingers and toes the number of adoptees who have wanted to know their story and have been told, point blank, that they can't have it. By their birth parents, the ones who mentally possess that story. I can't imagine it myself, denying my child that information. And so I implore other birth parents to consider sharing as much information as possible.

No. I don't mean getting into specific detail about the conception. That's now what I mean. I do mean, however, to be honest with your child about the relationship or, in some cases, lack thereof... more

Keeping it light-hearted again today, don't forget to share your favorites with your relinquished child. Perhaps you're thinking, "But that's trivial and mundane! They need the big stuff! The meaty stuff!" Well, true. They do need the big stuff, the meaty stuff. But they also need to know you. And your favorites are part of you.

And so it is important to share such information with your child.

What kind of favorites? All of them, of course!

Color. Number. Day of the week. Month. Season. Song, band/singer. Food. Sport. Drink. Candy! Ice Cream... more

While sharing medical information is important in that life-altering way, sharing information regarding your childhood is equally important. Whether your childhood was storybook or horror flick, that information can be vastly interesting to your relinquished child.

No point is too small to share. Maybe you spent summer afternoons under a tree reading while everyone else was doing something far more physical. Maybe your child would like to know that because they felt silly for always being the bookworm. Maybe you have fabulous memories of summer camp to pass... more

Whether you're preparing the information for the future or getting it ready because your adult child has asked, getting your medical history information in line for your relinquished child is of vast importance. I cannot stress how important it is so let me just repeat: it is of vast importance. Even if you're not sure you're ever going to reunite or you have been told that your child does not want to reunite, you need to get this information together.

Everyone always talks about getting that medical history in order but what should you include? Everything,... more

Maybe you are a birth parent in reunion with your adult child. Perhaps you are a birth parent involved in an open adoption with your relinquished child and the adoptive family. Maybe you're even an expectant mother considering adoption and trying to decide what information is pertinent to pass on to your child should you decide to relinquish your rights upon birth. Whatever your scenario, the answer is simple:

Just about everything.

Over the next few days I'll hit on some "big" things that you most definitely want to share as well as some smaller... more

While some birth parents end up marrying one another, others part on less than amicable terms. Even those who have manage to have a civilized phone conversation on their shared child's birthday may be shocked if they run into their child's other biological parent in an unexpected place. Shopping for groceries. Church. A city where neither of you live and both happen to be visiting. The list goes on.

It happens. Paths cross. What can you do to prepare for such a chance meeting? And are there places which you should be more prepared than others?

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