A very interesting question was posed on the Communication Between Birth and Adoptive Parents forum. The subject wasn't really clear as it simply read, like mine does here, "Your biggest obstacle." To what? Parenting? Adopting? Getting through the living room strewn with toys? But the first post went into detail as to what the question was really about:

What has been the biggest obstacle you've had to overcome in your... more

I cannot count on fingers and toes the number of adoptees who have wanted to know their story and have been told, point blank, that they can't have it. By their birth parents, the ones who mentally possess that story. I can't imagine it myself, denying my child that information. And so I implore other birth parents to consider sharing as much information as possible.

No. I don't mean getting into specific detail about the conception. That's now what I mean. I do mean, however, to be honest with your child about the relationship or, in some cases, lack thereof... more

Keeping it light-hearted again today, don't forget to share your favorites with your relinquished child. Perhaps you're thinking, "But that's trivial and mundane! They need the big stuff! The meaty stuff!" Well, true. They do need the big stuff, the meaty stuff. But they also need to know you. And your favorites are part of you.

And so it is important to share such information with your child.

What kind of favorites? All of them, of course!

Color. Number. Day of the week. Month. Season. Song, band/singer. Food. Sport. Drink. Candy! Ice Cream... more

While sharing medical information is important in that life-altering way, sharing information regarding your childhood is equally important. Whether your childhood was storybook or horror flick, that information can be vastly interesting to your relinquished child.

No point is too small to share. Maybe you spent summer afternoons under a tree reading while everyone else was doing something far more physical. Maybe your child would like to know that because they felt silly for always being the bookworm. Maybe you have fabulous memories of summer camp to pass... more

Whether you're preparing the information for the future or getting it ready because your adult child has asked, getting your medical history information in line for your relinquished child is of vast importance. I cannot stress how important it is so let me just repeat: it is of vast importance. Even if you're not sure you're ever going to reunite or you have been told that your child does not want to reunite, you need to get this information together.

Everyone always talks about getting that medical history in order but what should you include? Everything,... more

Maybe you are a birth parent in reunion with your adult child. Perhaps you are a birth parent involved in an open adoption with your relinquished child and the adoptive family. Maybe you're even an expectant mother considering adoption and trying to decide what information is pertinent to pass on to your child should you decide to relinquish your rights upon birth. Whatever your scenario, the answer is simple:

Just about everything.

Over the next few days I'll hit on some "big" things that you most definitely want to share as well as some smaller... more

While some birth parents end up marrying one another, others part on less than amicable terms. Even those who have manage to have a civilized phone conversation on their shared child's birthday may be shocked if they run into their child's other biological parent in an unexpected place. Shopping for groceries. Church. A city where neither of you live and both happen to be visiting. The list goes on.

It happens. Paths cross. What can you do to prepare for such a chance meeting? And are there places which you should be more prepared than others?

1.... more

A recent discussion on the forums has adoptive parents talking about how they would feel if the birth parents moved to their city. As a birth parent who doesn't plan on moving until my Husband retires, I wondered the flip side of the question.

How would you (or I) feel, as a birth parent, if the adoptive family moved to your (or my) city?

Depending on the size of your city (mine is small!) and your similar likes (many) and dislikes, running into your child's adoptive family without warning could be a possibility in this... more

I wrote yesterday about the ways we can and cannot compare divorce and open adoption. I still maintain that the relationships between adults is an apples and oranges comparison. I still maintain that children aren't given the same choices in open adoption that they are in a divorced family as well. But, a commenter brought up the following scenario and, well, it broadened my opinion just a little bit.

Julia... more

A thread was started on the forums this past week asking if the relationship between adoptive and birth parents in an open adoption was comparative to that of ex-spouses in a divorce. Nothing like trying to compare two emotionally charged familial subjects! My initial reply was that the two subjects are apples and oranges. I explained it well in one of my replies so I'll just go ahead and quote myself. (Does that make me seem like I have... more