When Josh and I were discussing adding to our family, I wasn't sure who to talk to about some of the issues I may or may not face. I was also facing some possible issues with conception and definitely facing issues with pregnancy due to my kidney disorder. I didn't know who to turn to to discuss these things.

Birthparents Trying to Conceive After Placement is a forum on the Adoption Forums dedicated... more

The last thing I asked of the mothers who participated in the survey was to share whatever advice they thought might help birth mothers who are beginning to build their own families. Some didn't have any extra advice but those who did had some great points to offer up.

The best advice I can give is to realize that you can never replace one child with another. It took me awhile to realize that I would "over do" things for my son out of guilt, feeling like I had to make up to My bson through him. My dad saw... more

Like many of the mothers who spoke in the previous post in the series, I have felt twinges of longing, sadness or guilt as Nicholas hits various milestones. Each new thing has brought about thoughts of the Munchkin and how I missed those moments in her life. However, the one that caught me most off guard was Nick's first illness.

He caught a cold which ended up settling in his chest. As I panicked, spent sleepless nights making sure he was just simply breathing, and spent all of my time in a worried ball... more

Watching your child experience new milestones is a joy for every parent. With each new step, each new word and each new advancement, the joy permeating from your child's face can be felt in the deepest parts of a parents soul. It's not a surprise that some birth parents have mixed emotions and feelings as their parented child(ren) experience new milestones, only reminding them what they missed out on with the child that they placed for adoption. I asked the question in the survey:

As your child grew, did your parented child's... more

Part One.

The anger can get overwhelming at times. For one mother, it permeated every aspect of her life.

I am mad at God. I have been mad at my parents, the aparents, myself for not being strong as I am today, the father and his mother. Heck, I have even been mad at my son for having more loyalty to not hurt his amom than desire to just get to know me.

I think anger is... more

In my previous two posts, I had talked about how birth mothers viewed their parenting ability prior to and shortly after bringing their first parented child home. I then asked them if their successes as a parent brought unexpected emotions or if it further solidified their adoption decision. As always, responses varied:

Did your... more

Part One.

Two other mothers shared something beautiful, and though similar, I need to share both of their quotes. They viewed their parenting skills as changed by adoption but in a different way than already mentioned.

I was/am a really good parent. I think for me, placing made me cherish the parenting time I have had with my kids even more. Even now that they are 11 and 14.

and:

I... more

Some birth mothers list a fear of, inability to or lack of desire to parent the child as a reason for placement. While all birth mothers are different, I wondered how that thought might have come into play after bringing home a child to parent. I asked a question about the topic in the survey.

Did you find yourself either amazed at your parenting abilities or doubting yourself entirely due to the placement of your first child? Why? How did you deal with these thoughts and feelings?

Some mothers... more

For me, the day we left the hospital with Nicholas ranks as one of the suckiest days of parenthood. Not only was I nervous about taking this small human being home and being responsible for, you know, his life, but my Husband caught the flu. From the hospital. He started throwing up before we left the hospital. And it didn't stop. For four days.

There's nothing like bringing a child home into what you think is a two parent household and suddenly being the only available or viable parent. Josh was so sick that he... more

Part One.

And, on the flip side, some mothers were constantly reminded of the things that they missed with their placed child because of relinquishment. Things like changing diapers and simply rocking the baby to sleep would conjure up feelings and tears.

I was terrified when I left the hospital, I kept thinking someone was going to knock on the door and take her away from me. I found myself not... more