Recently I discovered this article entitled "MOTHERHOOD LESSENS TEEN DELINQUENCY, STUDY SHOWS." Since this refutes the notion that young mothers may "ruin their lives" if they parent, I found it interesting.

I have seen several articles which indicate that young women who place babies for adoption do better than those who don't. The articles mention that placing mothers are on welfare less, get more education, etc. Most of those articles discussing how much better off women... more

As I mentioned at the beginning of this series, it was partially inspired by Tana's series on financing an adoption. Some of her clever suggestions could work equally well for a young woman trying to finance the parenting option:

1. Yard sale or ebay sales; 2. Fundraise - bake sale, spaghetti dinner (Maybe your local church could help with this.); 3. Live within your means, cut out unnecessary expenses; 4. Ask for monetary gift for birthdays and holidays; and 5. Set up a baby fund specifically earmarked for baby expenses.

Many... more

Adoptive and birth moms do go to war with each other at times! I am encouraged that by getting to know and understand each other better, we will war with each other less often. Hopefully, agencies and facilitators are more cautious about pitting us against each other as well.

However, I think it is entirely understandable that we do view many issues from different perspectives. I find it helpful to remind myself that we all advocate for children and want what is best for them. We just do not always entirely agree what that happens to be.

Sometimes... more

We do know that being married makes a pregnancy more acceptable even in 2007. People are less likely to suggest that a married couple place a baby for adoption, although apparently even that happens sometimes now. However, I think the adoption option is still often more suggested for an unmarried woman.

Back to the question, what determines if a woman parents, places her baby for adoption or becomes an adoptive mom? I honestly think that self-esteem is a large part of the difference. Adoptive parents are usually prepared, longing to parent... more

Relinguishing a child to adoption is a heavy burden for a woman, not one to take on unless there is no other viable solution. Losing a child to adoption crushes some birth mothers and they never recover. The scars on even the strongest women are permanent. Although they fade with time, they never completely dissappear.

Sadness lingers and it takes enormous strength for a birth mother to survive, thrive and make peace with her decision. Helen Keller and her mother were both fighters. They overcame odds that would paralyze many... more

This week, as the snow piles on us again, I feel a little heavier. It's not just because I've been eating Polish pastries (Paczki days are here!). It's not to be blamed on the snow because, trust me, I love snow. As much as I love winter, I start struggling with emotional things round about now. This year is harder for reasons I don't feel like talking about today. And so, today's "fresh outlook" is a deeper, harder look at some adoption issues. Controversial? A bit. Worth a ponder before you start your weekend? Probably. New and different? Definitely.

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"And were an epitah to be my story I'd have a short one ready for my own. I would have written of me on my stone; I had a lover's quarrel with the world."

Robert Frost

Unlike the other birth moms who blog on this site, I am an oldtimer. My son's adoption happened over 37 years ago. And yet, I am not "over it." At times, I think that I am fine - healed and loving life. I have struggled and worked hard to be where I am right now.

Mostly, I am in a good place and have accepted that... more

Jenna generously shares photos with us in bloggerland. I love seeing photos of adorable Nick with his ever present grin. It seems so obvious that he is a happy and most loved baby. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, and his photos show me a content, well taken care of baby. It seems obvious that he has two parents who dote on him. Other bloggers happily show off their beautiful children as well. Mo, Grant,the Moose, and Sandra to name just a few kindly provide photos of their little ones. Angela and Michelle also provide cute photos... more

Sometimes there are reasons that mothers and babies cannot stay together, and need to be raised by others. However, given that some experts believe that babies will bond better with adoptive parents if they have first had time with their first parents, I wonder why we ignore that? Maybe too few people just do not believe that, and think it is better for a baby to bypass its first mother altogether if there is to be an adoption?

Do people fear allowing the first mother to bond with the baby because they feel that if she does, she might change her mind? If... more

Before birth, they are together, mother and baby with a unique symbiotic relationship. We now have some evidence that suggests that babies need to be with their original mothers after birth. Even if there is to be an adoption, some well respected authorities now believe that the familiarity and bond between baby and mother needs to be guarded and respected for a time. The theory is that bonding first with their original mothers allows them to bond better with others later, including the child's adoptive parents.

When babies are deprived of that time with their... more