Birth mothers are often misunderstood. If they want contact, they haven't "moved on" enough in their life and are thus "unhealthy." If they don't want contact, they're avoiding or living in "denial" and are thus "unhealthy." If they struggle with the concept at all, they're obviously and simply "unhealthy." Society doesn't accept how they feel no matter what that feeling entails. It's a lose-lose-lose situation at times.

That's why this post, entitled... more

Recently I discovered this article entitled "MOTHERHOOD LESSENS TEEN DELINQUENCY, STUDY SHOWS." Since this refutes the notion that young mothers may "ruin their lives" if they parent, I found it interesting.

I have seen several articles which indicate that young women who place babies for adoption do better than those who don't. The articles mention that placing mothers are on welfare less, get more education, etc. Most of those articles discussing how much better off women... more

Continued from Part One.

At what point did you involve your son in this knowledge?

I waited to tell my son that we had found his first mother until after we had received all the information, pictures, address and video. I didn't want to get his hopes up that we might find her until we knew if she could be found and if she would want him to know about her. That's not to say that we never talked about his first... more

This week I decided to take a slightly different approach to our Fresh Outlook Friday. Instead of quoting a blog, I interviewed a friend of mine who conducted a search for her child's birth mother. He was adopted from the Ukraine. Her story constantly inspires me and reminds me that, in this millenium, international adoption doesn't have to mean closed adoption. She gives me hope for the future. I think that many (as in all) people could learn a little something from this interview, which is honest and truthful about the issues surrounding international openness.

Without... more

Live your life and enjoy the time you have with your children no matter how much time you have with them. If you keep track and are constantly worried getting your "fair" share of holiday time or attention, you can make yourself miserable. Be positive, cheerful and pleasant to be around, and your children will want to spend time with you. This advice works for all parents!

Expect that in the beginning of a reunion, your child may spend what seems like a great deal of time with birth family. Do not take it personally, it is no reflection on you. They may talk... more

After writing a recent post about adoptive and birth parents meeting at reunion, I received some comments from John about some potential worries of adoptive parents. I would like to address some of his concerns because I believe that he brought up some good points. He mentioned some thoughts that are probably fairly common for adoptive parents.

Although some adoptive parents might be reluctant to admit or say so, I do think some resent birth parents appearing on the scene. They may believe that since they did the hard parts of raising their child, they deserve... more

As I mentioned at the beginning of this series, it was partially inspired by Tana's series on financing an adoption. Some of her clever suggestions could work equally well for a young woman trying to finance the parenting option:

1. Yard sale or ebay sales; 2. Fundraise - bake sale, spaghetti dinner (Maybe your local church could help with this.); 3. Live within your means, cut out unnecessary expenses; 4. Ask for monetary gift for birthdays and holidays; and 5. Set up a baby fund specifically earmarked for baby expenses.

Many... more

Friday? And our tax refund is in? I'm getting a hair cut and possibly a color today! That's fresh! But for today's Fresh Outlook Friday post, I bring to you a blog that makes me feel a whole slew of emotions all at once.

Letters to a Birthmother is written by an adoptive mother to her child's birth mother, with whom she doesn't have much contact. The lack of contact is not her decision or her wish. In her own words:

I’ve been the Mama to the Woobie for about a year now, but haven’t... more

Adoptive and birth moms do go to war with each other at times! I am encouraged that by getting to know and understand each other better, we will war with each other less often. Hopefully, agencies and facilitators are more cautious about pitting us against each other as well.

However, I think it is entirely understandable that we do view many issues from different perspectives. I find it helpful to remind myself that we all advocate for children and want what is best for them. We just do not always entirely agree what that happens to be.

Sometimes... more

About.com just updated their list of the Top 10 Birth/First Parent blogs. Last year, I didn't make the list because I had just started my personal adoption blog in January. This year I happened to make the cut. The list also mentions that I write here. I'm pleasantly surprised.

I've been having my struggles this month. As N at Paragraphein, the #3 blogger on the list... more