Before I came out of the birth mother closet, I thought adoption was relatively rare and touched only some few families. How wrong I was! Until I began telling my birth mother story to others, no one mentioned the adoptions within their extended families. Once I began talking about adoption. the floodgates opened up and it seemed nearly everyone had some adoption within their families.

Mindy, a friend that I reconnected with about six years ago is the only adoptive mom that I have gotten to know in person. We have known each other... more

In discussing open adoption, I have found one fear that some adoptive parents have is that a birth mother may change her mind and decide to walk away. In fact, one of my readers, John, mentioned how damaging it could be for a child to have their birth parent cease contact. Although I have seen few statistics on this possibility, I know that it happens.

However, I am convinced that it does not happens enough to rule out an open adoption. In the April 27-29 USA Weekend magazine which comes in the Sunday newspaper in my locale, I noticed a similar topic... more

"Many shy away from domestic adoptions because adoptive parents have few rights during the adoption process."

An adoptive mom who adopted via an international adoption recently made this comment and I have been pondering it ever since.I wonder how many adoptive parents really do feel this way. I would hope that her comments is not the norm. However, her comment is perplexing to me as I believe that it most likely would be for most birth parents.

From my birth mother's view, adoptive parents have ALL the... more

Despite statistics that sometimes indicate that adoptive parents divorce less that other parents, there are many adopted children whose parents ultimately divorce. Many birth mothers that I know found at reunion that their child's adoptive parents were divorced, as my son's were.

Although blogger Sandra suggests in this post that adopted children do not have any more adverse affects from an adoption that a biological child, I wonder if that is really the case.

I... more

By our own clear-eyed assessment, my husband and I sprang from relatively shallow ends of our respective gene pools. Had we chosen to try to overcome our infertility and produce our own children, they most likely would have had crooked teeth and bad tempers and been as myopic as moles.

Nona Martin Stuck

In Modern Love - Adopted Child is a Riddle. Now I Have a Clue, an adoptive mother discusses how at... more

One of the most difficult tasks for birth parents is to achieve some sort of healing and recovery. Whenever I talk about this subject, I feel compelled to mention that healing is not "getting over or forgetting." Recovering is also not returning to the exact same place you were before the trauma. Neither do healing and recovery necessarily include elements of sanctioning or accepting that what happened was right or just.

Now that I have that disclaimer out of the way, how do birth parents move through the pain caused by the loss of their child?... more

The question has arisen here in bloggerland at adoptionblogs.com on several occasions as to the wisdom of adopting as a charitable act. As a birth mother, I have thus far resisted the temptation to comment on this query. However, ignoring issues is not in my nature, so I decided to comment in a post on this particular issue. The subject of adopting with a “do-gooder” mentality is one that I have heard adoptees discuss. When a discussion ensues on this topic, voices rise and faces often redden.... more

I encourage you ... say who you are out-loud when you have the opportunity. Say it out-loud to a group of others who know and understand the enormous emotion of your words.

The quote above comes from a great article called I Said it Out Loud that discusses a birth mother's coming out at her first support group meeting. Actually saying the words, "I am a birth mother," affects different women in varying degrees. However, the first time a woman says... more

Losing a child to adoption is often said to be "the right thing to do," and sometimes it really is. Birth parents are told that there will be great satisfaction in knowing that they loved their child enough to place their child with others who can raise the child well. In my experience, that sense of satisfaction rarely pans out as birth parents are told that it will.

When parents really cannot/will not parent, others must raise their children. However,when parents want to raise their children but feel compelled by circumstances to relinquish... more

One of the many difficult tasks that birth parents face is telling other people in their life about the adoption. In today's more enlightened society and with more open adoptions, women of today are less secretive about their relinquished children.

However, even today, telling others is not an easy task. Revealing an adoption does not occur only immediately after an adoption either. You will be facing the issue of when to tell others about your child for the rest of your life. Most birth/first mothers tell at least some friends and family. Even... more