Are there ever times that that guilt is appropriate for adoptive parents? When answering a question like that, I try to step into the shoes of an adoptive parent. Sometimes adoptive parents angrily suggest that sometimes people seem to suggest that they should feel guilty.

I can never know exactly what it is like to be an adoptive parent. Plus, I am so thoroughly involved with seeing adoption through the eyes of a birth parent, it does make the task challenging.

However, when I was a young pre-teen considering my life, I thought I... more

As for what adoptive parents think of when they hear about adoption laws becoming more rigid, this is strictly my opinion. I believe that they react very differently than birth parents do for several reasons. After a few recent heated debates, here are some conclusions that I have reached as far as why adoptive parents are equally as firm and resolute in their convictions.

Adoptive parents too are motivated by the love of their children – by the children that they have adopted. In many cases, they have adopted children whose original parents... more

For quite some time, I have struggled to understand the positions that some adoptive parents take when there is talk of tougher guidelines to adopt or when adoption is criticized in general. After considering it for a time, I realized that when there is talk of making adoption requirements less stringent, birth parents are highly affected as well, but in a different way.

However, I finally had an epiphany of sorts and think I have reached a conclusion as to why many of us are so firmly entrenched in our differing positions. The love... more

Birth parents who become involved in the adoption reform movement invariably meet many adoptees. We meet them at conferences, open records marches and support groups.

Through our contact with adoptees, we hear their different stories. Their stories are as varied as they are. There are no all happy or all sad stories. We get to know them and become particularly empathetic towards and fond of adoptees in general.

People who involve themselves in adoption issues often attend conferences and retreats. The subjects presented at these... more

The key to succeeding in adoption is to never lose sight that adoption is supposed to serve our children's interests first. For both sets of parents, to maintain a amicable relationship can be of great benefit for a child. I realize that this is not always possible.

Here are a few reminders to aid you in getting along with your child's other parents:

1. For birth parents, unless asked, keep mum on any child-raising issues. Only in rare situations will the adoptive parents seek or appreciate your opinions on child-raising. They are entitled... more

As an adoptive parent, do you want to link yourself with all adoptive parents, the good, the bad and everything in between? Do you try to speak for all adoptive parents, including the "Mommie Dearest" type adoptive parents? How about those adoptive parents in the news lately for caging their children? Can you relate to that type of adoptive parent at all?

Do you want people to think of all adoptive parents as one enormous group, all the same? I would be very surprised if any adoptive parent wants to be viewed as the voice for all adoptive... more

A recent reader comment suggested some birth mother bloggers make birth mothers sound nearly as wonderful as Mother Teresa. My name was not mentioned, but, I decided to write about this anyway. Birth mothers have decades of less than stellar reputations to repair, and I do try to remind people that not all birth mothers are drug-addicted, abusive losers likely to be in jail. However, I also constantly remind people that not all birth mothers are alike.

Truthfully, I do not know any birth mothers who are drug addicted, abusive... more

I love The Shape of a Mother. It is a website that touches my soul. And my hips and my stretch marks and my extra, stretched out skin. The idea behind the site is to show that Mothers are beautiful, no matter what their shape, size or story. When I'm having a bad self-image day, I peruse the site and read the stories and am reminded that I am not alone.

Today I was reminded of that in a way that I hadn't been in my previous excursions on the site. I came across an entry entitled, "Birth... more

On various forums including the forums at adoption.com, I sometimes see adoptive mothers requesting suggestions for appropriate gifts for birth mothers on such occasions as Mothers' Day.

My thoughts on this subject always drift towards the same conclusion. Material gifts are often welcomed tokens, however, there are other ways to honor birth mothers with more significance, in my mind at least. As much as I love receiving gifts, (and my husband will attest to the fact that I truly do) I thoroughly... more

We have only met once in person so far, Kate and I. However, we have traded many emails back and forth and have gotten to know each other via those exchanges. Kate grew up in the North Eastern United States with fond memories of berry picking as a child with her sister. I grew up in the South in a suburb of Memphis in spitting distance of Graceland, hanging out at the gate hoping for a glance of Elvis.

Kate is naturally somewhat reserved and proper, but most decidely not stuffy. No one would ever describe me as either reserved or proper.... more