Some adoptive parents are surprised and sometimes distressed at times to hear that an anti-adoption faction even exists. For many adoptive parents, it is disturbing and puzzling to know that some people in adoption believe that the whole institution should be abolished. Other adoptive parents have the ability to neatly "dismiss" anti-adoption folk. The vast majority of the “anti-adoption” folks are birth parents and adoptees. I am not defending the anti-adoption faction. However, I want to talk about them a bit to help explain why they feel... more

Lin was troubled and confused, it seemed obvious. She had believed that I was a good and decent person. Revealing my birth mother status to her had shaken her, and she just could not understand what could have driven me to not raise my son.

I told her that I still struggled sometimes wondering how I could have done it too (relinquished my son to adoption). Then, I went on to explain that I felt as if I had no choice. I agreed with her that babies are small miracles. Next, I told her that often women who place babies for adoption are in such crisis... more

As a newcomer to our office, Lin had told me how much she appreciated how patient and helpful I had been to her. She knew too that I worked hard, and was dependable and stable.

I talked about my children and grandchildren with pride and love, and she knew that I had good relationships with them. She liked me and told me that she did.

I would venture to say that she had probably never met a "birth mother" before. Yet she had a firm picture in her mind of what one would be like. I did not fit the picture in any respect.

Her expectation... more

During my five years of reunion, I have told many people that I relinquished a son to adoption many years ago. The majority of my friends, co-workers and even most of my family, took the news in stride - with barely a blink.

No one said, "Oh my goodness, how could you?" (Well, almost no one.) I know that I am fortunate in that regard as I know some women who did get some mean-spirited and and hurtful reactions.

Many of the women that I told about my son's relinquishment are aging baby boomers much like me. They remember when birth control... more

Although there are obviously some women who do not want to parent or cannot due to personal severe issues, I think women who fit into this category are extremely rare. I keep hammering this point, but I believe that placing a child for adoption is not what most women really want. Somehow I seem unable to get that point across.

The birth mothers that I know all loved and wanted to raise their children. However, they were either too young, too poor or too unmarried. In the past did not take all of those conditions to cause a baby to be placed for adoption... more

Nancy Spoolstra, RAD Blogger recently wrote an execellent blog post entitled “Heart Decisions or Head Decisions” . Her post reminded me of advice given to a young pregnant woman about how to make her decision whether to parent or place her baby for adoption. As much as I am a staunch believer in not separating families unless absolutely necessary, I also believe in making a decision based on using your heart and brain.

“Listen to your heart,” is a phrase that is often... more

I received a comment that needs its own post to sufficiently address the issue at hand. No, it's not negative! In fact, it's a very good question and I have a very heart-felt answer.

I believe you eluded to this in an earlier comment, but I'd sure like to hear your thoughts on the phrase "gave up" - surely I'm not the only Birthmother who cringes when I hear those words???

I, personally, do not use the phrase "I gave up my child." Others can. That's fine. I don't. And here's why.

Actually,... more

When we bought our house this past February, we move out of the area of our old church. The church where we were married. The church in which our Son was baptized (on our first anniversary, no less). The church where we felt at home. Looking for a new church is no fun and basically sucks. However, we've finally settled into one. We like the Pastor, the people that we have met and the childrens' programs.

But oh, goodness, I hate going alone.

My Husband is a professional firefighter. He works 24 hours on and then has 48 hours off. Every third... more

Recently around the adoptionblogs sphere, a discussion on negative vs. positive adoption talk has risen. Dr. G recently posed the following question:

Has the pendulum swung from the rainbows and angels singing with harps depiction of adoption to one that emphasizes only the negative?

Of course, my response was that adoption, like life, isn't all rainbows and butterflies.... more

Recently on the forums, the discussion of family trees and school projects was a hot topic. I offered up some different variations of the family tree that I had come across in my jaunts through adoption themed information on the web. There are some who are of the opinion that schools need to drop the project of family trees all together or, at the very least, drop the traditional tree motif due to the ever... more