Telling others that you placed a child for adoption is often no easy task. Depending on what part of the country and the community that you live in are only a few factors that probably affect your decision. (I live in Southern California, lucky me!) The type of family you have is generally a factor as well. Your cultural or ethnic background are factors as well.

Obviously, if your adoption is open, keeping your child a secret is more problematic. However, you may still be leery of telling people that you placed a child for adoption. There are many reasons... more

Last week's question was:

What do you believe is the worst part of being a birth parent?

I got two responses this week - thanks to those who shared!

Two votes for hearing their child call somehow else mom and all the ordinary motherhood joys as being the worst part of being a first parent.

Few birth parents really have an inkling of how the loss of their child will impact their futures and those of their child. Many birth parents that I know would never have relinquished their children to adoption had they known how... more

Part One.

Shortly before the response from my co-worker arrived, I got a comment in my inbox from an old high school friend. She, too, had experienced an unplanned and unwed pregnancy shortly after we graduated. She went on to marry her son's father and have another (beautiful!) daughter. I feared discussing Munchkin's placement with her for a variety of reasons. Again, the whole idea of "she could do it so why couldn't" I came in to play. On top of that, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to look like an utter failure to those that with whom I graduated. To me, for always, placement... more

This summer I made the decision to post on our family blog about the fact that I am a birth mother. After months of therapy and many discussions with Josh, it was the right thing to do and it finally felt like the right time. That didn't mean that it was easy! Pressing the "post" button felt took an eternity.

The response was generally positive. A few people said some things that grated a nerve or two but they meant well. Those who knew my struggles to find a place for adoption in my everyday life lifted me up, reminding me why I made the decision to post in the first place. Secrecy made me feel dirty and shameful. However, I knew my true test would come as certain people from my... more

Each week in the new year, I plan to offer one question each week and invite others to offer their thoughts on the subject. All triad members are invited to respond! I will post my response to the question at the end of the week.

This week's question is: What do you believe is the worst part of being a birth parent?

Some ideas include:

1) The obvious - not having your child to love and raise. 2) In an open adoption, watching someone parent your child and hearing them call someone else "mom." 3) Missing all the... more

Death and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them!

Margaret Mitchell

While there are statistics to be found that indicate children do better in two-parent families, there are also statistics that indicate that adoptees have more issues to deal with than those who are not adopted. All children with two parent families do not thrive, nor do all children who grow up adopted. There is no "all" when it comes to much of anything. Not all children who grow up with... more

A few blogs back, I talked about the anti-adoption faction and tried to offer some explanations as to their reasoning. I said that I also wanted to bring up the other side of the coin - adoption advocates as well.

Without hesitation, I would say that the average person on the street has very high praise for the whole institution of adoption. Although I occasionally hear adoptive parents say that some people question their motives, in general, I do not believe that to be the case. The majority of people think adoption is a noble and wholly positive... more

I learn so much from every side of the triad. I have the utmost respect for adoptive parents. I have learned how to talk to D or bring up subjects that she might not know how to broach with me because of my interactions with these parents either on the forums or various blogging formats. I have learned what is most important for me to do in order to show respect for their role as the Munchkin's parents. I have learned what might be potentially offensive and know how to respect boundaries set forth in our adoption.

And oh wow, the things I've learned from adoptees. I have pages and pages in my journal of things to keep in mind for when the Munchkin gets older and approaches me (or doesn't!)... more

More birth parents seem to be anti-adoption than adoptees, and I do not know why that should surprise anyone. For birth parents, particularly, in closed adoptions, there are generally few positive aspects of the experience. Throw in being deceived, tricked or receiving dishonest information, and it is not surprising that some birth parents think adoption, should be outlawed.

Regardless of how hard adoption facilitators, agencies or adoption attorneys try to “play up” adoption and paint it as a “win-win” choice, few birth parents that I know see... more

Why do adoptees sometimes become anti-adoption? First, keep in mind that most adoptees who hate all adoption have either had enough negative experiences themselves, or seen enough other adoptees or birth parents that adoption did not serve well. Adoptees who hate all adoption are generally those who grew up in closed and secretive adoptions.

They mostly grow up with the subject of adoption being a taboo subject. If they tried to approach their adoptive parents with the subject of adoption, they were mostly met with harsh looks or sad puppy dog eyes. Most quickly learned... more