A recent post mentioned a study that talked about impulse control issues among birth parents.(Granted, the study did not say that all birth parents have impulse control issues.) I wonder if the implication was that most birth mothers become pregnant because they are irresponsible and cannot control themselves. I cannot agree that is always the case. For some women, all it might take could be one act of unprotected sex for a pregnancy to occur. And yes, birth control fails as well. When some adoptive parents suggest that unplanned... more

My two part post on birth mother vulnerability ended with a question. I asked if adoption stories with happy endings were truthful or lies. You might notice that in my posts, I often pose questions. I write from the heart and I have no pat solutions. What I do have are many questions and I like to encourage people to search for answers that make sense.

Instead of settling for pat, well-worn truths in adoption I seek to encourage people to dig into... more

“Coming out of the Closet” is a event of monumental proportions for many birth moms. Many might believe that only birth mothers from my era – with adoptions that happened in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s – were part of the secret society of birthmotherhood. To think that birth/first mothers today always proudly shout their status to the wind is apparently not true however. Acceptance of the act of placing a child for adoption varies depending on many factors including: the community that you live in; how you feel about the... more

I've just talked about my various reasons for being silent about my role as a birth mother both in real life and online. I've discussed the process of my coming out which, no doubt, was helped along by my therapist and the desire to live my life without shame. (Still working on it.) So where does that leave me now? I'll entertain you with some... more

I just explained why adoption wasn't always readily talked about in my daily life. However, as Sandra mentioned in her comment, I've been pretty up front about my role as a birth mother in my online ventures.

I must have missed something along the line, Jenna, as I've assumed you've been up front about this all along. Being 'introduced' to you on the forums, then reading your blogs I had no idea that you were ever in the... more

A recent post of open adoption blogger Deb generated quite a few comments - mostly from us birth moms. Deb presented a news story that she considered a positive one.

In fact, there were some positive parts that I noted in the news article. However, there was also alot in the article that smacked of typical discouraging rhetoric. I believe that we all have the right to highlight any news articles we care to, and I never take it personally if I hate an article.

With... more

When I posted last week on the topic of coming out as a birthmother, I got an interesting comment which I partially addressed but feel it broaches more issues to discuss. From Sandra over at the Older Parent Adoption Blog, we have this comment:

I must... more

The secrecy, shame, guilt, self-blame, feelings of selfishness and loss leave scars on birth mothers' self-esteem.

The quote above is from an article at Adoption.com about birth parent grief and loss. Harboring secrets is costly to one's mental health for most people. Medical experts even agree that it is stressful to live your life hiding dramatic secrets.

Keeping the adoption of your child a secret... more

Continued from Part One, the top five statements/questions continue to cut a little deeper into a birth parent's heart and soul.

5. "Did you give up your baby because you didn't know who the father is?" Sometimes I wonder if the person asking this type of question truly realizes that they just used a more polite way of saying, "Hey! You're a big whore!" Beyond making comments about... more

My co-blogger Jan has covered the top ten things not to say to a birth mother in reunion. Coley has talked about what not to say to an expectant mother considering placement. So why do we need another list? While some... more