A baby crib with colorful soft covers was ready and waiting in anticipation of the new baby soon to be born. A brightly colored and cheerful mobile hung waiting to be enjoyed by a wiggly new baby. The basement stored cases of infant formula on hand for the baby-to-be.

The cozy house at the top of winding stone steps overlooking the harbor was preparing for the arrival of a new family member. A young 21 year old mother, eight months pregnant was eagerly looking forward to the birth of her second child. For this stay-at-home mom, she was healthy,... more

You might think that social workers, especially those who work in adoptions, would understand adoption. However, from what I can tell, most social workers do not seem all that educated either about adoption. On the other hand, adoption is their business, and it is how they make a living. Is it reasonable to expect that they will try to convince a woman that adoption might harm her or cause lifelong issues for her? Adoption attorneys are unlikely to be anything less than positive about the affects of adoption either. Again, they profit... more

One way to dismiss a birth mother and her pain is to imply that she is solely to blame for her situation. After all, "No one twisted your arm, right?" However, it is far more complicated than that. Sometimes the pressure may be very subtle, but equally as successful at affecting a woman's decision. Lack of self esteem can also play a role in a relinquishment. Not having adequate information about adoption is a huge factor as well. Many people who know little about the nature of unplanned pregnancies have some very unusual ideas about... more

In my mind, there seems to be something fundamentally flawed in our society as to how we sometimes view pregnancy in young women. The message we send to young women is that getting pregnant is one of the worst events that could ever happen to them - if they are unmarried. If a married woman becomes pregnant, no matter what her life circumstances, her condition is generally celebrated and approved. Could being married be that crucial and make such a difference? Should a new life ever be viewed as a tragedy that might ruin your life?

Now before... more

Several weeks ago, I received from a reader for a post about studies that document the affects of adoption on birth parents and adoptees. I am providing links which provide both studies and articles that address how adoption affects adoptees and birth parents.

Relinquishment of a newborn child may be profoundly damaging to birthparents and cause lifelong pain and suffering. Even when relinquishment is a carefully considered and chosen option, birthmothers—and often birthfathers—may suffer from a heightened sense of worthlessness after giving... more

Lately I have been reading about all the negative treatment and comments that both adoptive and birth mom receive at times. Deb and Jenna both discussed how shunned they feel by other mothers sometimes. Unfortunately, there are many thoughtless and insensitive folks in this world. Many otherwise kind and decent people are unwittingly clueless and cruel due to their lack of education about adoption. However, I have a theory about how to handle both categories of people. Some days you can do nothing but ignore them, and I understand that.... more

Just when I think I have heard everything, I hear someone make a comment that totally floors me. This remark was made to the wife of one my husband's co-workers who is currently pregnant with twins. Recently she was out in public somewhere and a woman commented on the enormity of her pregnant stomach. She explained that she was expecting twins.

Hmmm, there are any number of ways that you could be terribly insensitive and respond to that news, right? I believe that this woman outdid herself. What do you suppose that she said? How about, "My goodness, I hope... more

Should birth/first mothers be strutting their stuff and talking about how proud they are to have placed a child for adoption? The simple answer is "No," and it is a response that fits in most situations. In my mind, there is nothing noble or praiseworthy about becoming a birth mother. There are rare circumstances that it might be. It is not admirable to parent a child that you can or will not parent well either.

Placing a child for adoption is not something most women can or should be proud of doing. Neither is it an act so despicable to hide... more

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

Margaret Mitchell

Ah, another Margaret Mitchell quote to inspire me! I am quite fond of her quotes. I suppose it is that Southern connection we have. I liken the first part of this quote to the life of a birth... more

Today marks the 34th Annual March for Life in Washington. The Supreme Court issued its decision on January 22, 1973, ruling that an abortion was a fundamental right under the United States Constitution. The March for Life is a pro-life event in which like-minded individuals join together in a rally on the Mall and then walk to Capitol Hill.

There. Did I present that in a non-biased manner? Because I'm about to get ten thousand different kinds of biased up in this blog.... more