What is a protest supposed to accomplish? More specifically, what is an anti-abortion, pro-life roadside picket line supposed to accomplish? Am I supposed to, as a pregnant woman, read the signs that say, "Adoption: the Loving Option," and thinking, "Gee! Why didn't I think of that?" Do these types of events change the minds of the public? Or does it just further separate two sides of an issue? Is there an in between?

I ask these... more

In response to my post about what a birthmother looks like, I got the following well-intentioned comment:

the only thing that I would like to say is that she is an Angel from above.

I have to disagree. Beyond my disagreement, this a huge pet peeve of mine. I went out of my way in that post to get the point across that a firstmother is human. She is not perfect. And to get personal, I am in no way, shape or form anything... more

The more I talk to both birth and adoptive parents about ethical issues in adoption, the more I realize how unaware so many people are of what the issues even include. Below I include my personal list of some ethical issues currently under consideration and links to a wide variety of articles about ethics in adoption:

1. Pre-birth matching and the possibility of coercion and/or pressure,along with the undue risks that this practice creates for adoptive parents as well; 2. Adoption advertising, when, where and what form it should take; 3. Regulation... more

I've been be-bopping around the internet today, reading what others have to say and coming across interesting tidbits. I wasn't aware that some (not all!) adoptive families list "what the birthmother looks like" as a reason to match... or not to match! Obviously, our ethical, moral and upstanding readers would never judge someone based solely on appearance but just in case a stray cat wanders in, I'll give you a quick rundown of what a birthmother looks like... just in case you were wondering.

She is short. She is tall. She is average.... more

Before I proceed any further into this discussion of ethics in adoption, I think it might be useful to point out that there is an vast difference between illegal adoption practices and unethical ones. I believe that it is important to distinguish between the two. While I imagine that there are some few illegal practices going on in the U.S., I would venture to say that unethical practices are far more common.

Illegal practices are those which break laws and could subject one to criminal fines or jail time. Unethical practices are legal, but moral and ethical... more

Have you ever read something that physically pained you? No, I'm not talking about a graphic description of an episiotomy. I mean something that caused such an emotional reaction within your being that you physically felt pain. Your stomach turned or you felt as if your chest was imploding causing your breathing to become labored? Welcome to my life, five minutes ago.

I was reading an Opinion article on Yahoo! News. Granted, it's opinion. I shouldn't let that bother me, right? I'm a strong, independent woman with thoughts and feelings... more

I hate the question. Or any variation thereof. How many kids do you have? I don't know. One, two or three, depending on how you look at it. Is this your first? He's not my first but he's our first. Aren't you glad you had a boy first? I didn't. Boys are so much easier than girls; you're so lucky! Shut up. Just shut up. Shut up shut up shut up!

To be fair, most of the people who ask me such questions don't know me, anything about my life or the fact that their questions are so triggering... more

Should an agency or social worker care what it does to a woman who is pressured, and then later regrets her decision? Agencies are profitable businesses, right? What about the child? Should a child grow up with its original family if possible?

Adoption is a viable option for a child who cannot grow up with birth family. However, being relinquished does present lifelong issues for many adoptees. Is it morally right to put a child with another family if it is not absolutely necessary?

In the past couple of days, three different people have asked... more

A reader comment recently reminded me of a subject that I wanted to address. I displayed the caution banner for sensitive readers as I plan to discuss some tough topics.

I don't understand? I hear so much about ethical adoptions, but, what is an ethical adoption? To me, a bmom walks into an adoption agency and makes a plan to place; its not the agency's responsibility to help find parenting resources...

Let me address her comments first. I think anyone involved in adoption should learn about the ethical issues involved... more