Alaska is our first alphabetical state that gives some provisions for post-placement contact agreements, frequently referred to as contracts. For those unfamiliar with the terms, a post-placement contact agreement/contract is put together by birth and adoptive families (sometimes helped along by an agency or attorney) and sets out the terms for how they will interact after the Termination of Parental Rights is signed and the adoption has been finalized. They can include very specific language (dictating the dates that pictures will be sent or that visits will be had)... more

In a post over on the Open Adoption Blog, Deb talked about an idea posted on an adoptive mom's personal blog that gave her pause. I, too, had read the post in question and walked away not knowing why the idea left me confused. I should probably explain.

The mother's idea was to create a physical box with an open slot on top for which the daughter could write questions (or statements, opinions, and whatever else) for her birth... more

I wrote about discussing your parented child's placed sibling with school teachers last month. As I haven't yet had to send Nicholas to school, I didn't have any personal experience to share with you. However, as the school year is progressing, other first mothers are finding themselves faced with this topic. I think we can learn, especially, from one mother's moving post about how her parented daughter was faced with this situation.

Remember when I said... more

In a not-so-easy-to-swallow post yesterday, I advised birth families that attempting to fix or even overtly questioning the changes in parenting style that their child's parents may employ would be a bad idea. However, when the birth family adds children to their own immediate family, clashes in parenting style can become an issue for the two families. Maneuvering through this still-sticky situation can be complex.

First of all, what am I talking about? Don't all... more

When an expectant parent is sorting through profiles in hopes of choosing a family for the unborn child, issues surrounding parenting style are often high on the list of things to consider. Some want parents that would parent their child in a different way than how they were raised while others are looking for that similarity. Things such as how the children will be raised concerning issues of religion, education and discipline are questions that many expectant parents ask of potential families during the matching process.

However, once the Termination... more

Fully open adoptions that involve visits bring up the unique situation of having to introduce one another to friends, family and acquaintances. While it is possible to avoid such an occurrence, getting out of the house and engaging in activities is something I suggest during a visit. These outings may cause families to run into different groups of people necessitating... more

Referencing yesterday's post, I thought I would tell my readers about our last family portrait as a big group. Often times birth parents feel that they need to wait for the adoptive family to suggest such an endeavor. In this particular instance, I took the driver's seat. It made sense as they were coming to visit our home, instead of vice versa. Planning the ordeal caused some anxiety and so I thought I would share some of my experience so others might... more

I'm a photo bug. If you know me off of this site, you know that I've constantly got a camera in hand and can be found posting pics on various blogs and sites. In fact, we just got a new camera and I can't seem to put it down! Part of it is the thrill of the hunt for the perfect picture. The rest is because once I snap that perfect picture, it's a moment caught in time forever. And that's why I suggest that birth and adoptive families get a portrait taken. Together.

I've often seen adoptive parents want to get a picture of... more

Apparently school season is upon us. How this happened and where the majority of summer went, I am not sure. While our home is not involved in the Back to School craze, others are preparing to ship the kids off for another year of learning. As a birth parent in open adoption, that can present an interesting situation. While adoptive parents face the question of whether or not to discuss their child's adoption with the teacher and/or classroom, birth parents involved in fully open adoptions are often facing a similar type of discussion.

I... more

There is little that can be more devastating for a parent in an open adoption than to suddenly have the door slammed shut abruptly in her face, and receive no explanation for it. Unfortunately, this does happen with some frequency. One birth mother that I know who lives in Europe received a letter from the agency telling her that the adoptive parents had reconsidered shortly after final papers were signed. They at least offered some vague reasons for their decision, even if they were somewhat lame. Other... more