As my readers may know, I'm pretty open about my role as a birth mother even if it takes me awhile to find the comfort level with a person so that I can best share the information. Yet there are relationships that don't always leave room for deep and heartfelt conversations about things like adoption, debunking myths and how much I love my daughter. Casual relationships at work, friends of friends or family and other inconsequential meetings don't often leave time, room or need for a lengthy discussion on the topic.

That doesn't... more

Trust is often a huge roadblock for birth parents in relationships after relinquishment. I imagine that for anyone who has felt betrayed, given bad advice or been taken advantage of in some way that trust issues may arise. Nearly everyone has probably had their trust betrayed in some way.

However, few breaches in trust have consequences as significant as losing a child. Not all birth parents develop trust issues as not all feel that they were pressured or given bad advice. Nearly all the birth parents I know feel betrayed or that they... more

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.

Catherine Ponder

Some of you may know that I recently completed an e-book on search and reunion for adoption.com. This excerpt discusses the forgiveness that is needed at reunion. (A plug for my e-book? Who me?)

However, there can be... more

Some adoptees say that adoption is rarely something that they think about much. It is part of who they are, and they see no need to analyze the whole situation and agonize over their fate. These kinds of feelings may last a lifetime or change at some point in their lives.

For most of the rest of us, adoption issues may plague us constantly or pop up throughout our lives. How much we are affected depends on the issue, our mood on a certain day and many other factors. However, there are certain events/days/triggers that can derail us.

Bad... more

The key to succeeding in adoption is to never lose sight that adoption is supposed to serve our children's interests first. For both sets of parents, to maintain a amicable relationship can be of great benefit for a child. I realize that this is not always possible.

Here are a few reminders to aid you in getting along with your child's other parents:

1. For birth parents, unless asked, keep mum on any child-raising issues. Only in rare situations will the adoptive parents seek or appreciate your opinions on child-raising. They are entitled... more

Strap on your armor because you need to be tough! There is no substitute for on the job training for a birth mother who decides to go public. Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe we could benefit from a class or two?

There is no real way to prepare yourself for what you will face when you choose to discuss adoption issues on public forums. I am learning fast, but still have much to learn.

Here are a few suggestions: 1. Be ready to defend your positions in the calmest manner possible. Depending on your own personality,... more

On various forums including the forums at adoption.com, I sometimes see adoptive mothers requesting suggestions for appropriate gifts for birth mothers on such occasions as Mothers' Day.

My thoughts on this subject always drift towards the same conclusion. Material gifts are often welcomed tokens, however, there are other ways to honor birth mothers with more significance, in my mind at least. As much as I love receiving gifts, (and my husband will attest to the fact that I truly do) I thoroughly... more

By being a good birth mother, I am not referring to that stereotypical birth mother of yesteryear who handed over her child and walked off into the sunset never to be heard from again. Asking that from a mother is a far greater punishment than the “crime” of an unplanned pregnancy deserves. (And no, I do not really believe that an unplanned pregnancy is a crime!)

Neither do I believe that it is being a good birth mother to a child if one seemingly disappears off the face of the earth never to be seen or heard from again. Although mothers of... more

Sibling ties are worth preserving, and it heartens me to realize how growing numbers of adoptive and birth parents are beginning to understand this fact. There are many encouraging indications that there is a huge trend to help maintain sibling ties when possible.

There are many ways to do this. Some of our adoptionblogs.com adoptive moms are well aware of this and are making some wonderful efforts in this regard. Here are some of... more

Honestly, I did a lousy job of dealing with the fact of my son’s closed adoption. Instead of dealing with the pain, I blocked it out and saved it up. At reunion, it was like a volcano erupted (I was the volcano). All those buried emotions came to the surface with a vengeance and brought me to my knees. There are better ways to deal with a closed adoption. Ignoring it all allows you to survive, but there is a price to not attending to dealing with your loss. In retrospect, I would have handled a lot differently. Here are better ways to deal... more