Every now and then I read something that warms my heart. With all the gloom and doom that surrounds adoption (or, any subject), it's nice to see a glimmer of hope or happiness in words of another touched by the triad.

A post by an adoptee made me smile for many reasons this morning. It's not an all-around happy post as there are some issues that sit deep within but the sentiment makes me, as a birth mother, feel warm and fuzzy.

The post author talks about her "three... more

Closed. Open. Semi-open. In limbo. In reunion. No matter the status of your adoption, if you're a birth parent, you need to watch these two videos.

Entitled "Dear Mom," these two videos feature interviews with adoptees regarding their relinquishment, their knowledge of their adoption, opinions on the matter and issues surrounding search and reunion. Each adoptee (mostly female, one male) had a different experience. Each adoptee had a different point... more

Some adult adoptees are very bothered about the fact that they feel that they have had no control over many important decisions throughout their lifetimes regarding their adoptions. Few children actually get to pick their parents, so that alone is not enough to make adoptees feel a lack of control over their own lives. However, adoptees are not deemed competent, or so it seems, even as adults to be capable of wisely dealing with the identity of their birth family. Although there are a few rare instances of wild, out of control... more

In a recent post about reunion, Abby, adoptee blogger, mentioned that not all reunions are story book happy endings – or words to that effect. She talks about how birth mothers need to be reasonable and not expect too much from their children. I am paraphrasing her words here, but hopefully that is the general gist of what she meant. Read her post for the sake of accuracy. I could not agree with her more. Over the past... more

As I was still smarting from not hearing from my son on Mothers Day this year, I considered the whole concept of “protecting your heart.” During the time I have spent in the adoption community the last few years, I have discovered the fragility of many reunion relationships. Even reunion relationships that have endured for many years sometimes seem to go awry. The prospect of a reunion relationship falling apart is one that causes uneasiness and concern for many reunited birth parents and adoptees. No one feels immune from rejection... more

Each subsequent visit is more comfortable than the last for most people who reunite. Although I think I appeared calm and composed when my son and I had our first face-to-face meeting during reunion, before the meeting I was skittish, excited and a bit scared. Our first visit was huge for me and the night before I left, I was a wreck. However, I did not want to present myself to my son as a pathetic, weepy mess. Although I am an emotional person, I was determined not to cry when we met or appear unstable or pathetically... more

There was a blip yesterday in my reunion. Hopefully, that is all that it was. Right now, I do not know. It only hit me yesterday as I was writing that I had not yet heard from my relinquished son on Mothers' Day how afraid I was that he might not call. For the past four years, he has called me, and then yesterday he did not. There could be many reasons why he did not call - some more significant than others.

However, not hearing from him was a sharp reminder to me about one of the greatest fears that nearly everyone in reunion has from time... more

How can you explain to your child why you did not raise them? I wish that there was a simple and satisfactory response to this question, but there is no easy answer. You take your time, consider carefully how your response might be received and do the best that you can. If you are a spiritual person, prayers are in order before you begin this conversation.

Although birth parents have some common reasons for placing a child for adoption, each situation is a bit different. There are many reasons for relinquishment, and some are better received... more

Since I am not an adoptive parent, I have not dealt with this issue much so far. Eventually I will need to discuss adoption with my grandchildren. However, I would like to tell you how I think many birth mothers would prefer their children learn about adoption in closed adoptions: 1) Most birth mothers understand that their children should know about adoption from the very beginning. Not only does it make sense to me that adoption is treated as a fact of life to adoptees, not a Greek tragedy, experts agree. They also agree that in... more

Heard the expression, seeing red? Sometimes that is my reaction when I hear complaints about adoptees who are negative or angry. Some adoptive parents get all squirmy and uncomfortable when adoptees say anything negative about adoption. They may consider it a person affront.

Adoptees are not supposed to ever be unhappy, have issues or acknowledge that adoption is on their minds too often. Some adoptive parents just do not want to hear anything but "happy" talk from adoptees.

Even when adoptees say they that they have had issues, but resolved them, that... more