I cannot count on fingers and toes the number of adoptees who have wanted to know their story and have been told, point blank, that they can't have it. By their birth parents, the ones who mentally possess that story. I can't imagine it myself, denying my child that information. And so I implore other birth parents to consider sharing as much information as possible.

No. I don't mean getting into specific detail about the conception. That's now what I mean. I do mean, however, to be honest with your child about the relationship or, in some cases, lack thereof... more

Keeping it light-hearted again today, don't forget to share your favorites with your relinquished child. Perhaps you're thinking, "But that's trivial and mundane! They need the big stuff! The meaty stuff!" Well, true. They do need the big stuff, the meaty stuff. But they also need to know you. And your favorites are part of you.

And so it is important to share such information with your child.

What kind of favorites? All of them, of course!

Color. Number. Day of the week. Month. Season. Song, band/singer. Food. Sport. Drink. Candy! Ice Cream... more

While sharing medical information is important in that life-altering way, sharing information regarding your childhood is equally important. Whether your childhood was storybook or horror flick, that information can be vastly interesting to your relinquished child.

No point is too small to share. Maybe you spent summer afternoons under a tree reading while everyone else was doing something far more physical. Maybe your child would like to know that because they felt silly for always being the bookworm. Maybe you have fabulous memories of summer camp to pass... more

Whether you're preparing the information for the future or getting it ready because your adult child has asked, getting your medical history information in line for your relinquished child is of vast importance. I cannot stress how important it is so let me just repeat: it is of vast importance. Even if you're not sure you're ever going to reunite or you have been told that your child does not want to reunite, you need to get this information together.

Everyone always talks about getting that medical history in order but what should you include? Everything,... more

Maybe you are a birth parent in reunion with your adult child. Perhaps you are a birth parent involved in an open adoption with your relinquished child and the adoptive family. Maybe you're even an expectant mother considering adoption and trying to decide what information is pertinent to pass on to your child should you decide to relinquish your rights upon birth. Whatever your scenario, the answer is simple:

Just about everything.

Over the next few days I'll hit on some "big" things that you most definitely want to share as well as some smaller... more

I wrote yesterday about the ways we can and cannot compare divorce and open adoption. I still maintain that the relationships between adults is an apples and oranges comparison. I still maintain that children aren't given the same choices in open adoption that they are in a divorced family as well. But, a commenter brought up the following scenario and, well, it broadened my opinion just a little bit.

Julia... more

Wow, the weeks are just flying by anymore. It's Thursday again. Time for another list of thirteen things that apply to adoption as I know it. Last week I wrote a list of thirteen things I want for my relinquished daughter. However, like any parent, there are things that I don't want for my daughter, too! Read through these and see how your wishes for things your child to avoid differ from my own. If at all.

1.... more

Thursday again? Like any parent, I have hopes and dreams for my daughter. The only difference is that I am not parenting her and someone else is in physical charge of nurturing her through to adulthood. I was once told by a disgruntled, anti-birth parent reader that my dreams for my child were out of place as I was not her parent. That's preposterous!

For example, I have dreams for my younger brother. I want him to be happy in his marriage, successful in whatever career path he finally chooses and to find a vehicle... more

I've previously talked about my own adoption resolutions for this New Year. I'm still determined to bring these things to fruition. However, on the forums, a thread was started about birth parents' wishes for their children. And I thought it was a unique and heart-warming discussion.

My adoption related goals for the year are my own. I am personally responsible... more

While yesterday's discussion about choosing words that were appropriate for communication between birth and adoptive parents, I think a more important issue might be selecting the appropriate words to discuss emotional issues with your child. In my opinion, one main reason that adoptive parents fear discussions about regret is because they don't want their child to feel negatively about their place in either family. So, when talking about such heavy issues like regret,... more