Someone recently contacted me with a subject that they wanted to see covered here in the ole blog. I think it's a quality topic that I hope to be able to cover with some sense of direction. I'll give it my best.

It would be nice to get some advice/information from a first mother directed to the adoptive parent(s) about how to help her deal with the emotions involved in placing a child. Especially the sometimes negative emotions that come later-on, like regret, guilt or second-guessing the adoption plan. I know that I often... more

If you've been reading, I've been discussing meeting various triad members on the internet. Today I will share a fond memory of meeting one of my favorite adoptive Mom bloggers and friends in person. Who am I speaking of? Everyone's favorite: AfrindieMum! WOO! Yes, I've met her and I am thus cooler than you are. Unless you've met her, too, and then we're equally cool.

I got an email one day from Miss... more

I've written about making friends with other birthmoms online. And how it feels to get your feelings hurt via the internet. Now it's time to talk on one of the most valuable resources available to us thanks to the wonders of technology: other members of the triad. I'll talk about befriending adoptive parents first.

Shortly after I placed the Munchkin,... more

From reading the blogs of adoptive moms, I know that you all have real issues like all parents do. Some of those issues may be exacerbated by the fact that your children lost their original parents. Other problems are likely tied to abuse or neglect before you adopted your children.

Nevertheless, sounds like there are a great deal of happy times for adoptive parents. Some days, I really long to have more happy subjects to write about that are related to adoption. I have happy times, but few are connected to adoption. If I were an adoptive mom,... more

Adoptive parents are the one part of the triad that I know least. That is changing though. Except for my one adoptive mom friend that I walk with once a week, the adoptive moms that I generally meet are on-line. Honestly, I think until I got to know more adoptive moms, I was uncertain as to how many really "enlightened" adoptive moms there were.

Happily, I am discovering quite a few more than I expected. "Enlightened" in my view I suppose equates to being educated about adoption and less willing to cling to the archaic old notions. Of course, I particularly... more

The little girl in this article missed her first mom and felt safe enough to tell her other mother. I wonder, did she instinctively know that she could share all of her feelings with her adoptive mom? Is her mom so secure that she puts no restrictions on how much her daughter is "allowed" to love her birth mom? Are children capable of loving two moms?

Many moms know that adopted children sometimes miss their birth moms even before they are able to express... more

When we talk about the harm that some adoptees experience through adoption, we speak of their “adoption issues.” Sometimes the way that they were raised, and how their adoption was handled certainly does affect many adoptees. However, I would venture to say that many adoptees are harmed even more, not by their adoption per se, but, by their relinquishment. This is a really important distinction. Some adoptive parents bristle at any mention that their children have any adoption issues. It is not an indictment of them however. They may feel that it is a reflection... more

What causes all the dissension and the often predictable opposing views on nearly every adoption issue between birth and adoptive moms? I think the answer is very complicated. First, I will say that it is very gratifying to me that many adoptive moms now have a better understanding of birth moms and their issues. However, there is still a great deal of predictability about the typical birth mother or adoptive mom stances on many issues.

For instance, most adoptive mothers believe that adoption is a wonderful experience, and therefore want to promote and encourage adoption. Many... more

Ever notice how polarized adoptive and birth moms often seem to be? Have you noticed how often we lock horns on adoption issues?

In closed adoptions, there was no need to worry about whether or not the two mothers of a child (birth and adoptive) were likely to get along well with each other. They never met, so it did not really matter if they could peacefully co-exist or not. It was so much simpler for agencies in the days of closed adoptions. There was no need for them to be scrupulously truthful because the two sets of parents were never destined... more

What kind of home study did my friend's parents go through before adopting her brother? I have no idea. In the era her brother was relinquished, closed adoptions were the norm. Her parents were not hand-selected by a pregnant woman. Since her brother is in his mid-forties, I imagine the standards for adopting may have been different. Her parents were wealthy, and I am sorry to say, I imagine that made a difference.

The system failed him though - and he is a reminder that there are no guarantees that any family - adoptive or birth will be a good, stable and loving family.... more