Celia and Frank adopted their daughter when she was 18 months old. By that time, they had already adopted her brother as well from foster care. He was five years old and I was one of their first babysitters. Celia and I have been friends for about twenty years.

Last weekend, I had a party to attend to celebration their daughter's 18th birthday and her high school graduation. Mixed emotions nearly caused me to call and cancel as I really did not want to go.

To say that her husband is not a favorite of mine would be a gross understatement.... more

One of the difficulties with being a birth mother is that sometimes people forever judge you for that past decision for relinquishing your child to adoption. Either that or they want to congratulate you for doing "the right thing" by not having an abortion. Neither is always appropriate.

However, I do not expect people to criticize or demean me for that adoption decision. I am my own harshest critic. In my particular situation, I believe that it was not necessarily the right choice. I do not feel it appropriate or warranted for people to demonize,... more

Every so often, adoptive parents pose the question "Should I feel guilty for having adopted?"" Some adoptive parents say that they do feel guilty. Others express the angry opinion that they think birth parents believe that they should feel guilty.

Although I am not an adoptive parent, I think if I were that I would feel somewhat indignant at the notion that I should feel guilty because I adopted a child. After all, I believe that the majority of people who adopt have good intentions.... more

The key to succeeding in adoption is to never lose sight that adoption is supposed to serve our children's interests first. For both sets of parents, to maintain a amicable relationship can be of great benefit for a child. I realize that this is not always possible.

Here are a few reminders to aid you in getting along with your child's other parents:

1. For birth parents, unless asked, keep mum on any child-raising issues. Only in rare situations will the adoptive parents seek or appreciate your opinions on child-raising. They are entitled... more

Although I knew that some birth mothers were none too fond of adoptive parents in general, I did not realize how much public scorn some adoptive parents face. First, let's talk about how some birth parents view adoptive parents in a prejudical manner.

Please keep in mind that the majority of the birth parents that I tend to meet are searching or in reunion. The only birth parents that I know in open adoptions are on line. The feelings that birth parents have towards adoptive parents vary depending on many factors.

A few of the reunited... more

Part 1.

What if you phrased a harsh reality such as an alcholic parent in a less judgmental and more compassionate manner? Obviously, not too many people would actually make the insensitive remark that I mentioned in part one. However, it is tough to know how to couch sensitive subjects.

How about, “Your mom tried hard to conquer her addiction to alcohol. Yet as much as she loves you and wanted to get her disease under control, she could not manage to do so. Some people are stronger than... more

A thread on the forums this morning made me think back to my pregnancy with the Munchkin. The question asked revolved around the fact that the expectant Mother, matched with an adoptive family, didn't seem to be sad, emotionally distraught or struggling to make a decision. The waiting adoptive Mom wanted to know if it was "normal."

Good question.... more

We're living proof.

Things we like: beaches. Naps but staying up late. Guitar Hero even though we're way above the target demographic. Christina Aguilera. Musicals. Reading. Books in general. Babywearing! Laughing. Really crude humor shows on HBO that get cancelled even though we practically peed our pants while watching them. Computers. Nerdy stuff. America's Next Top Model. Tyra Banks. Angelina Joelie. Celebrity gossip. When our Husbands... more

I'm in the middle of a visit with the Munchkin and family. We actually just drove home (their home; not Ohio) from North Carolina. Why were we there? I'll talk about that tomorrow.

This is the big birthday visit. This time of year is so thick with memories that I can't turn around without running into one or another. It's hard. It's overwhelming. Sometimes it's nice.

In the car this evening, before the sunset and all heck broke loose, J and I were talking about the day that the Munchkin was born. It's nice that other people weren't under the influence of pain and/or pain medication and can therefore remember, with clarity, the line of events on that day. I have bits and pieces... more

In order to remember the emotions of the time immediately post-placement, I have to return to my journal. My mind has all but blocked a lot of those memories. Reading back over the sadness dripping from my words brings tears to my eyes. It wasn't an easy time. Reading the words is almost like reliving the pain; it's almost to much for me to handle. However, I'm glad that I wrote during this time. Otherwise, these memories and moments would be forever lost in a mind that shut itself down in order to cope.

As we were still fumbling... more