A recent discussion on the forums has adoptive parents talking about how they would feel if the birth parents moved to their city. As a birth parent who doesn't plan on moving until my Husband retires, I wondered the flip side of the question.

How would you (or I) feel, as a birth parent, if the adoptive family moved to your (or my) city?

Depending on the size of your city (mine is small!) and your similar likes (many) and dislikes, running into your child's adoptive family without warning could be a possibility in this... more

I wrote yesterday about the ways we can and cannot compare divorce and open adoption. I still maintain that the relationships between adults is an apples and oranges comparison. I still maintain that children aren't given the same choices in open adoption that they are in a divorced family as well. But, a commenter brought up the following scenario and, well, it broadened my opinion just a little bit.

Julia... more

A thread was started on the forums this past week asking if the relationship between adoptive and birth parents in an open adoption was comparative to that of ex-spouses in a divorce. Nothing like trying to compare two emotionally charged familial subjects! My initial reply was that the two subjects are apples and oranges. I explained it well in one of my replies so I'll just go ahead and quote myself. (Does that make me seem like I have... more

A first mother on a private adoption discussion recently posed a real-life question. I won't give specifics as to protect her situation from public opinion. However, in the most vague of terms, the birth mother found out some not-so-great information about her relinquished child's biological father. She didn't know what to do with it, whether or not she had a duty to tell the adoptive parents and how, if at all, involved she should become.

My advice? I told her to give the adoptive parents the information and let them do with it as they would as they were... more

I get e-mails (or, on the forums, Private Messages) from readers who don't like to "put it all out there" for fear of how other commenters have treated them in the past but they still want some information. I often reply to these privately. However, I want to share a snip-it of a recent question and answer it here in hopes of helping other birth and adoptive families.

I would really like to know how you maintain that relationship, who initiates the contact, how (in from your perspective) her adoptive parents feel about the contact, how you deal... more

Sometimes I have issues that I don't even realize I have! While reading the forums, I came across a thread in which an adoptive mother was asking for advice. She had received a thank you note from her child's birth mother's parented daughter, thanking her for a recent gift. The (birth) mother had written the letter for her daughter who was not yet old enough to write. She had signed it with the following closing:

Hope... more

If not, say, "I don't."

Apparently the marriage -slash- open adoption analogy is over the heads of some of our readers. I knew that going into the post but stepped out in faith that the intelligent among us could do some mental exercising and reach for the similarities. As some fell flat, I started searching for some definitions and anecdotal evidence (read: blog posts!) to further drive the analogy home. In doing so, I've been given what will probably... more

So as not to single out adoptive parents as the sole reason communication fails and to better help birth parents feel their way through a difficult conversation, I will address birth parents and the proper ways to discuss hard feelings. (Though I thought that was covered quite well in my post "Tips on Communicating Within the Triad.") Even still, when it comes to the big issues surrounding communication between... more

We hear, from birth parents, adoptive parents and professionals alike, that to have a working and strong open adoption, the air waves of communication need to be open and working from both ends. As adults, we understand that at the very core of every successful relationship is a successful communications center. The flow of information from one side of the adult triad to the other is absolutely vital in getting through some of the hardest transitions.

And yet some people don't want birth parents to be that open and honest.

I'm continuously... more

Problems and hard times can fall on any family. No matter how the people contained within the family unit came together, they are not exempt from things like health problems and financial issues. Unfortunately, as a birth parent, even in the most open of adoptions, when things happen to your child's adoptive family, you can feel absolutely helpless.

Especially if you are an inherently helpful person, watching your child's family falter through their own hardship can be difficult. Sometimes, especially when it comes to handling... more