Each subsequent visit is more comfortable than the last for most people who reunite. Although I think I appeared calm and composed when my son and I had our first face-to-face meeting during reunion, before the meeting I was skittish, excited and a bit scared. Our first visit was huge for me and the night before I left, I was a wreck. However, I did not want to present myself to my son as a pathetic, weepy mess. Although I am an emotional person, I was determined not to cry when we met or appear unstable or pathetically... more

There was a blip yesterday in my reunion. Hopefully, that is all that it was. Right now, I do not know. It only hit me yesterday as I was writing that I had not yet heard from my relinquished son on Mothers' Day how afraid I was that he might not call. For the past four years, he has called me, and then yesterday he did not. There could be many reasons why he did not call - some more significant than others.

However, not hearing from him was a sharp reminder to me about one of the greatest fears that nearly everyone in reunion has from time... more

We have only met once in person so far, Kate and I. However, we have traded many emails back and forth and have gotten to know each other via those exchanges. Kate grew up in the North Eastern United States with fond memories of berry picking as a child with her sister. I grew up in the South in a suburb of Memphis in spitting distance of Graceland, hanging out at the gate hoping for a glance of Elvis.

Kate is naturally somewhat reserved and proper, but most decidely not stuffy. No one would ever describe me as either reserved or proper.... more

How can you explain to your child why you did not raise them? I wish that there was a simple and satisfactory response to this question, but there is no easy answer. You take your time, consider carefully how your response might be received and do the best that you can. If you are a spiritual person, prayers are in order before you begin this conversation.

Although birth parents have some common reasons for placing a child for adoption, each situation is a bit different. There are many reasons for relinquishment, and some are better received... more

Since I am not an adoptive parent, I have not dealt with this issue much so far. Eventually I will need to discuss adoption with my grandchildren. However, I would like to tell you how I think many birth mothers would prefer their children learn about adoption in closed adoptions: 1) Most birth mothers understand that their children should know about adoption from the very beginning. Not only does it make sense to me that adoption is treated as a fact of life to adoptees, not a Greek tragedy, experts agree. They also agree that in... more

Heard the expression, seeing red? Sometimes that is my reaction when I hear complaints about adoptees who are negative or angry. Some adoptive parents get all squirmy and uncomfortable when adoptees say anything negative about adoption. They may consider it a person affront.

Adoptees are not supposed to ever be unhappy, have issues or acknowledge that adoption is on their minds too often. Some adoptive parents just do not want to hear anything but "happy" talk from adoptees.

Even when adoptees say they that they have had issues, but resolved them, that... more

Part 1 received such great comments, I decided I had more to say on this subject. Deb made a mention of my "glossing over" the fact that some birth parents really do not care about their children, and wrote a post about it too.

However, I did not mention that reason because I believe that it is the first reason that generally pops into one's head when birth parents pull out of an adoption. I have seen mention of it numerous times by adoptive parents, and wanted to offer other explanations... more

Live your life and enjoy the time you have with your children no matter how much time you have with them. If you keep track and are constantly worried getting your "fair" share of holiday time or attention, you can make yourself miserable. Be positive, cheerful and pleasant to be around, and your children will want to spend time with you. This advice works for all parents!

Expect that in the beginning of a reunion, your child may spend what seems like a great deal of time with birth family. Do not take it personally, it is no reflection on you. They may talk... more

After writing a recent post about adoptive and birth parents meeting at reunion, I received some comments from John about some potential worries of adoptive parents. I would like to address some of his concerns because I believe that he brought up some good points. He mentioned some thoughts that are probably fairly common for adoptive parents.

Although some adoptive parents might be reluctant to admit or say so, I do think some resent birth parents appearing on the scene. They may believe that since they did the hard parts of raising their child, they deserve... more

There are so many variables when it comes to adoption. I try to cover a lot of stuff but even in my research, I miss some topics. Thankfully, the forums provide a constant supply of questions, situations and discussion which is why I come to you with this post. A new forum member is seeking support and I don't know where to tell her to turn. So, I figured I'd reach out to my readers and... more