In discussing open adoption, I have found one fear that some adoptive parents have is that a birth mother may change her mind and decide to walk away. In fact, one of my readers, John, mentioned how damaging it could be for a child to have their birth parent cease contact. Although I have seen few statistics on this possibility, I know that it happens.

However, I am convinced that it does not happens enough to rule out an open adoption. In the April 27-29 USA Weekend magazine which comes in the Sunday newspaper in my locale, I noticed a similar topic... more

By our own clear-eyed assessment, my husband and I sprang from relatively shallow ends of our respective gene pools. Had we chosen to try to overcome our infertility and produce our own children, they most likely would have had crooked teeth and bad tempers and been as myopic as moles.

Nona Martin Stuck

In Modern Love - Adopted Child is a Riddle. Now I Have a Clue, an adoptive mother discusses how at... more

One of the most difficult tasks for birth parents is to achieve some sort of healing and recovery. Whenever I talk about this subject, I feel compelled to mention that healing is not "getting over or forgetting." Recovering is also not returning to the exact same place you were before the trauma. Neither do healing and recovery necessarily include elements of sanctioning or accepting that what happened was right or just.

Now that I have that disclaimer out of the way, how do birth parents move through the pain caused by the loss of their child?... more

I encourage you ... say who you are out-loud when you have the opportunity. Say it out-loud to a group of others who know and understand the enormous emotion of your words.

The quote above comes from a great article called I Said it Out Loud that discusses a birth mother's coming out at her first support group meeting. Actually saying the words, "I am a birth mother," affects different women in varying degrees. However, the first time a woman says... more

Losing a child to adoption is often said to be "the right thing to do," and sometimes it really is. Birth parents are told that there will be great satisfaction in knowing that they loved their child enough to place their child with others who can raise the child well. In my experience, that sense of satisfaction rarely pans out as birth parents are told that it will.

When parents really cannot/will not parent, others must raise their children. However,when parents want to raise their children but feel compelled by circumstances to relinquish... more

One of the many difficult tasks that birth parents face is telling other people in their life about the adoption. In today's more enlightened society and with more open adoptions, women of today are less secretive about their relinquished children.

However, even today, telling others is not an easy task. Revealing an adoption does not occur only immediately after an adoption either. You will be facing the issue of when to tell others about your child for the rest of your life. Most birth/first mothers tell at least some friends and family. Even... more

Many of my Fresh Outlook Friday posts have had a positive undertone: adoptive parents challenging stereotypes, birth parents succeeding in life. This week the outlook is fresh but the undertone is somewhat hard to pin-point. It's not a negative feeling but it's a complex one that needs to be discussed. While I featured an entire series on birth parents parenting after placement, we don't hear a lot of talk from birth parents on the topic. Parenting is busy enough and... more

It is safe to say that most of the difficult issues that birth parents generally face are not addressed at all or in much detail prior to placing a baby for adoption. Therefore, I thought a series detailing many of the difficult issues was in order. In this post I will list some of the issues that I intend to address. The list may grow as I explore the possibilities.

Here is what I intend to cover in the first few posts in this series, in no particular order:

1) Telling the Rest of the World - I wonder if anyone ever is told that this... more

Many of us have a need for life to be simple and uncomplicated. We would also love to win the lottery. One way to attempt to make life less complex is to see life as simple and clear-cut. Everyone is either good or bad. Each choice that one faces in life has a right or a wrong solution. There is no room for any variation or deviation. Choices may be simple when you see life in this manner, however, it is not realistic to oversimplify the world in this way.

When considering what birth mothers are like, many people seem to believe that there are... more

Since my son grew up in an era in which adoption was not commonly discussed, I doubt that there was much, if any, discussion about me or his birth family. However,I am grateful that there probably were at least no negative comments made about me. Having met his adoptive mother, I cannot imagine that she would not done that.

Truthfully, in those days there was little exchange of information. I received no information about my son’s adoptive parents – that was how adoptions happened in those days. As for what his adoptive parents knew about me, they... more