As much as I try to dispel myths about all birth fathers being bad guys, I rarely discuss birth dads who were not such great guys. Unplanned pregnancy can present quite a challenge to birth fathers, and sometimes they do not handle the situation too well. Some birth fathers are just dysfunctional bad guys, and never get any better. Others mature and become decent, loving and caring men.

At reunion, many birth mothers still harbor lots of ill feelings for the birth fathers of their children. Sometimes those feelings may be justified. Many... more

We can choose to look at any of the accomplishments that birth mothers make after they lose a child to adoption in several varied ways. I sometimes see studies and statistics that indicate that women who relinquish children to adoption are on welfare less, get more education, etc.

Frankly, I find drudging those up on agencies sites to encourage women to relinquish extremely annoying. You can choose to look at the accomplishments made after relinquishment in two ways.

Women who place children for adoption are often determined to do... more

Losing a son to adoption creates a deep numbing pain.

Rambling Birth Dad

If you have read my posts for long, you know that I do believe that many birth fathers have felt their loss deeply. Many birth fathers have intense regrets about losing their children and rejoice in their reunions. This post called "I am a Person" describes in a very simple, yet moving way how losing a son to adoption has affected one birth father's life.

There is... more

Generational Rivalry among birth mothers may exist, but I do not see it often.

I have heard a few birth mothers in open adoptions relate the thought that they believe that some of us older birth parents do not understand their pain. Society in general does somewhat agree with the notion that birth mothers in open adoptions should not suffer as much as mothers of old did. But, society has some mixed up views on adoption, right?

Similar... more

For quite some time, I have struggled to understand the positions that some adoptive parents take when there is talk of tougher guidelines to adopt or when adoption is criticized in general. After considering it for a time, I realized that when there is talk of making adoption requirements less stringent, birth parents are highly affected as well, but in a different way.

However, I finally had an epiphany of sorts and think I have reached a conclusion as to why many of us are so firmly entrenched in our differing positions. The love... more

Birth parents who become involved in the adoption reform movement invariably meet many adoptees. We meet them at conferences, open records marches and support groups.

Through our contact with adoptees, we hear their different stories. Their stories are as varied as they are. There are no all happy or all sad stories. We get to know them and become particularly empathetic towards and fond of adoptees in general.

People who involve themselves in adoption issues often attend conferences and retreats. The subjects presented at these... more

The key to succeeding in adoption is to never lose sight that adoption is supposed to serve our children's interests first. For both sets of parents, to maintain a amicable relationship can be of great benefit for a child. I realize that this is not always possible.

Here are a few reminders to aid you in getting along with your child's other parents:

1. For birth parents, unless asked, keep mum on any child-raising issues. Only in rare situations will the adoptive parents seek or appreciate your opinions on child-raising. They are entitled... more

As an adoptive parent, do you want to link yourself with all adoptive parents, the good, the bad and everything in between? Do you try to speak for all adoptive parents, including the "Mommie Dearest" type adoptive parents? How about those adoptive parents in the news lately for caging their children? Can you relate to that type of adoptive parent at all?

Do you want people to think of all adoptive parents as one enormous group, all the same? I would be very surprised if any adoptive parent wants to be viewed as the voice for all adoptive... more

A recent reader comment suggested some birth mother bloggers make birth mothers sound nearly as wonderful as Mother Teresa. My name was not mentioned, but, I decided to write about this anyway. Birth mothers have decades of less than stellar reputations to repair, and I do try to remind people that not all birth mothers are drug-addicted, abusive losers likely to be in jail. However, I also constantly remind people that not all birth mothers are alike.

Truthfully, I do not know any birth mothers who are drug addicted, abusive... more

On various forums including the forums at adoption.com, I sometimes see adoptive mothers requesting suggestions for appropriate gifts for birth mothers on such occasions as Mothers' Day.

My thoughts on this subject always drift towards the same conclusion. Material gifts are often welcomed tokens, however, there are other ways to honor birth mothers with more significance, in my mind at least. As much as I love receiving gifts, (and my husband will attest to the fact that I truly do) I thoroughly... more