As my readers may know, I'm pretty open about my role as a birth mother even if it takes me awhile to find the comfort level with a person so that I can best share the information. Yet there are relationships that don't always leave room for deep and heartfelt conversations about things like adoption, debunking myths and how much I love my daughter. Casual relationships at work, friends of friends or family and other inconsequential meetings don't often leave time, room or need for a lengthy discussion on the topic.

That doesn't... more

Being independent is an admirable trait. However, everyone needs some support from others at some point in their lives. The support that you need may or may not be financial support. Quite often young women in a crisis pregnancy may need financial support, but sometimes they just need some encouragement, direction and a clear head.

There is no shame in asking for help. Yet, sometimes women in a crisis pregnancy are ashamed for being in the position that they are in, and reluctant to ask for her. Sometimes they ask for help and find none. Other times they... more

Two new forums have been brought to the site in hopes of finding further support for birth parents. Birth Mother Support and, even cooler, Birth Father Support are two of the four new forums aimed at fostering supportive discussion by triad members.

Of course, with that comes the simple fact that the forums are not segregated. This gentle reminder is made in hopes that all will "play nice," so that we may all benefit:

Please remember, when posting, that our forums are open to anyone and your likely to get response from all sides of the... more

What does it take to be at peace with your decision to place a child for adoption? It is a simple question without a simple answer. Each mother who places a child for adoption is different although many have a great deal in common.

Many birth/first mothers place their babies for adoption partially due to a lack of self-esteem or confidence in their parenting skills. They fear that they are not yet prepared or equipped to parent. Placing a child for adoption will do little to increase your self-esteem. In fact, the very act of relinquishment often... more

I am writing to ask if you would be willing to share your thoughts with me about adoption. After reading several blogs by birth mothers today, I have been wondering if my desire to adopt....is selfish because it will cause terrible pain to another mother no matter how well meaning I think I am....

The above was part of the email from a young mother who wanted my advice on adoption. Part of my advice to her is as follows:

Placing a child for adoption causes pain; there is no way around that. If you adopt a newborn from... more

Should we be expected to know how to talk and write to other triad members in a respectful manner? Is it unfair to expect non-triad members to be able to discuss our issues with us in a compassionate and civil manner? I am not certain that there is a definitive answer to either of those questions. However, I do think that triad members who have frequent contact with other positions in the triad should at least make some attempts to be sensitive. There are a few really significant comments that triad members should understand are hurtful. I just wrote two... more

On October 6-8, 2006, the annual CUB Retreat will be held in Ruskin, Florida. For those new to Concerned United Birthparents ("CUB"), it is a national group, mostly birth parents and adoptees, whose main mission is HERE. Click here for details on this year's retreat.

This year’s CUB retreat will be my third one. I have attended the past three. The first two that I attended were in California, my home state. Generally, the retreats are held... more

Adoption can be a very emotionally-laden experience. No news to most triad members, right? To comfort people who are hurting from the affects of their adoption issues, we sometimes offer them intellectually inspired advice or thoughts.

However, adoption issues are generally felt with the heart. That is why I believe that many of our attempts to help those who are experiencing adoption woes may fail if we try to them with rational words. Our innner hurt child is not generally comforted by logical explanations.

Here are a couple of examples:

1. An adoptee... more

The biggest task for me was to find ways to understand the past and to learn to forgive myself. I had to remind myself that as strong as I am now, I was not back then. The loss of my son loss hit me hard, like a hard punch in the gut.

I began to question whether my decision had been the "right" one or not. Just as we were to reunite, I began to face his loss. He became "real" to me only at reunion. I could not really love and grieve for him until he was a real person to me.When he suddenly was "real", to me the guilt for giving him away engulfed me, and I knew that... more

There is no question in my mind that the most difficult task for birth parents is to forgive themselves. This may strike some as surprising, because some people see no reason for us to have any guilt over relinquishing our children to adoption.

We are "supposed" to feel comforted for having chosen adoption over abortion. Some birth parents may feel this way as well. However, for many of us, abortion was never a serious possibility. Therefore, we do not find it appropriate to praise ourselves for not choosing that option, since it was not a choice that we seriously... more