The best motivation that I have to enjoy and embrace my life is that it means that I win at the game of adoption - battered, scarred and wounded sometimes - but I still win.

She would rather light candles than curse the darkness, and her glow has warmed the world. (Adlai Stevenson, about Eleanor Roosevelt)

I like to win; it is part of my nature, and winning at the game of life (or adoption) sometimes can seem like a major achievement. Nothing ever prepared me for how the loss of my son would test me. His loss... more

It's a strange statement, the subject, don't you think? "Inviting your child to your wedding." Those who had and parented children before marriage don't normally send an engraved invitation to their child. However, for those who have relinquished children, finding the nerve to address and send the invitation to the parents of the child in question can be somewhat daunting.

For many reasons, both based in legitimate worry and illogical fear, adoptive parents sometimes shy away from the idea of bringing their child to the birth parent's... more

June is the infamous month of weddings. I have no doubt that somewhere in this country, sometime during this month, a birth parent will get married. Mothers and fathers who have relinquished children have weddings and enter into the bonds of marriage just like other people. Some birth parents marry the father or mother of the child that they relinquished, breaking stereotypes that the conception of the child was a one night stand or caused the father to hit the hills running. No matter who they marry, other birth parent, old friend or someone... more

Are there ever times that that guilt is appropriate for adoptive parents? When answering a question like that, I try to step into the shoes of an adoptive parent. Sometimes adoptive parents angrily suggest that sometimes people seem to suggest that they should feel guilty.

I can never know exactly what it is like to be an adoptive parent. Plus, I am so thoroughly involved with seeing adoption through the eyes of a birth parent, it does make the task challenging.

However, when I was a young pre-teen considering my life, I thought I... more

As I am feeling misunderstood at the moment, I hope to make some of my positions clearer.

First, there is a huge difference between criticizing adoption and wanting to end all adoption. For the record, my mission is not to end all adoption. It never has been, and I have said repeatedly that I do not advocate banning all adoption. Nor do I work to end all domestic or international adoption. Again, I have never suggested either.

Second, some adoptive parents seemed to feel personally attacked because I criticize aspects of certain... more

Although I knew that some birth mothers were none too fond of adoptive parents in general, I did not realize how much public scorn some adoptive parents face. First, let's talk about how some birth parents view adoptive parents in a prejudical manner.

Please keep in mind that the majority of the birth parents that I tend to meet are searching or in reunion. The only birth parents that I know in open adoptions are on line. The feelings that birth parents have towards adoptive parents vary depending on many factors.

A few of the reunited... more

As a young child growing up in the segregated South, I saw racial prejudice up close and personal. One very vivid memory during a visit to the zoo in Memphis was the drinking fountains labelled "For Coloreds Only."

Prejudice

An adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts.

A preconceived preference or idea.

In my six-year old's eyes, I was puzzled as to why the color of one's skin dictated... more

When I hear people complain about how hard it is to adopt, and how unfair all that screening is, etc., I automatically think about my son and have a visceral reaction. I feel insulted in a way. My son and all adopted children deserve the same opportunities and chance for success as any other children. They are not second best because they are relinquished to adoption. Our flaws as parents caused that decision, not theirs. When a child’s original parents choose to place a child for adoption, or have their rights judicially taken... more

In Adoption Facts and Opinions, I mentioned that there are many opinions in adoption, but few absolute truths or hard facts. As much as we all want to be right, we sometimes seem to believe that our opinions are hard, cold facts when they really are not.

The Wikipedia definition suggests that a fact is:

An item of information that can be verified as either TRUE or FALSE.

From Dictionary.com:

1.... more

Here are my answers to the True and False Quiz that I posted a few days ago. Many of my readers already speculated that these were mostly false! A few are "iffy", but most are fairly clear cut. As several readers also noticed, number 8 is not as straightforward. 1. Adoptees can receive their original birth certificates once they reach age 21 in most states. False. Only in Alabama, Alaska, Kansas, New Hampshire, and Oregon and are records... more