Blogger Deb and I are both outspoken mothers with strong opinions. There is alot that we agree on - at least I think so - but we do clash on some issues. One issue that I believe that we do agree on is that adoption needs to be based more fully on the truth.

To downplay the challenges of adoption for birth or adoptive parents does no favor to a child. All parents need to be fully educated and informed about the roles that they are considering in adoption. The Internet has made educating yourself about adoption easier.

However,... more

The truth is rarely simple or unequivocal. Nowhere is this more evident than in adoption communities. There are a few obvious facts, but most of the issues that we tend to focus on involve opinions, not facts.

What might seem evident to one person might not seem as apparent to another. In adoption, even what you perceive to be “the truth” or facts may not necessarily be actual facts. Some people even dispute the few facts that exist in adoption. On the other hand, some people tend to want to take exception to everything and probably have... more

Some people take offense when a birth parent refers to having "lost a child to adoption." However, I do not quite comprehend that rationale. When a child is placed in a closed adoption, its first parents lose their normal parental rights to have any contact with that child, know their identity or how they are doing.

When placing a child in a closed adoption, that child is in essence lost forever in the eyes of their birth parents. There is no certainty that you will ever know who or where your child is living, how they are faring or even if they are... more

As I continue along in my loose series about marriage, I came across a topic that is important in almost all marriages. Being on the same page regarding having children prior to walking down the aisle is a pretty big issue. Marriages have broken up over the subject when people didn't have prior issues regarding children that they brought into the relationship.

However, voiced or not, birth parents are more likely to have some issues revolving around children and/or parenting than the average person. Unplanned pregnancies are often fraught with... more

My purpose in writing is partially to uncover the other side of adoption, one less explored. Everyone is aware that there are some nightmare birth parents. For decades we heard mostly the negative scoop on birth parents, and I have no need to continue perpetuating those stereotypes.

Yet, when I make positive comments about birth parents, some need to remind me of the "other" ones. Once and for all, I know that they exist. If others need to rail about them in their blogs, they are entitled. However, to balance out the years of bad hype about birth parents, I... more

Like Heather, extreme views are not my "cup of tea." I believe that it is possible to disagree without name-calling and trying to cut your opposition down to size. I do not enjoy seeing people viciously attack one another.

Maybe it is that Southern part of my background that makes me want to be more genteel? Or, possibly it is due to that message that keeps playing through my head from my mom. She always claimed that "You get more flies with sugar than with salt."... more

Besides the normal wedding day jitters of tripping while walking down the aisle and forgetting your hand-written vows, birth parents have some added fears when entering into marriage. Learning to identify those fears and deal with them in a head-on fashion can help make the transition, for all involved, easier. Of course, they're sometimes hard to identify since every birth parent is different and thus deals with change in a different manner. Still, some fears have a similar underlying basis. I'll hit on a few today.

Like the... more

Even though they are not the couple promising a life-long commitment to another person (or, are they?), adoptive parents may have some fears when the biological parent(s) of their child(ren) get married. We see a lot of the same fears and questions posed on the forums from wedding season to wedding season. Knowing what these fears are may help birth parents to better understand how to properly communicate with their child's parents during this time of change.

First and foremost, this is not an exhaustive list of fears that could potentially... more

As much as I babble on about being a winner, strong and determined to enjoy my life, I also know that I need to allow some down time. Being strong all the time is impossible, unhealthy and way too difficult!

Although I sometimes am hard on myself when I am not feeling my usual strength, I always try to remember that being vulnerable and sensitive at times is human. As much as I like the "strong woman" feeling, I am glad that I have not lost the ability to be touched and affected by events which probably should move me.

Living with adoption... more

Some birth parents may want to do more than invite their child and the family to their wedding. It is not uncommon nowadays for birth parents to ask the child to be a ring bearer or flower girl or either/both parents to stand up with them as they say their vows. Or both scenarios! While this is something we didn't see or think of in the closed era, the relationships that are being formed by open adoptions make this not only possible but increasingly popular. (Not common place, but more popular!)

How do you go about the asking process?... more