I'm not a patient person. I suppose that's why I keep getting "blessed" with the patience lesson. Over and over and over. And over again. I wasn't patient as a child. (I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it!) I wasn't patient as a teen. (I wanted to grow up... now!) I wasn't patient in college. (Four years was an awfully long length of time!) And, as a parent, I'm not always patient. (You can't put both legs in the same hole!)

But I work at it. I do. Ask my Husband. I've been working on my patience level with my very headstrong, independent two year old... more

A question was posed on the forums yesterday.

If you weren't connected by adoption, would you be friends with your child's other mother?

It was posted in a forum that fosters communication between adoptive and birth parents, hence the use of the word "other" as opposed to a specific triad side. The responses were varied, of course, and posed many great points.

Some... more

A recent thread for adoptive parents on the subject of unconditional love got me thinking about it on my end. Or, our end as birth parents. Considering that society in general views the act of relinquishing a child for adoption as something a heartless mother would do, it's not often assumed that birth parents love their placed children unconditionally. The sad stories of failed reunions only further bring some negativity across the board.

So, do all birth parents love their placed children unconditionally? I would assume that the word all... more

I posted yesterday about surviving the milestones that your child goes through without your knowledge or your presence. Then I got to thinking: what are the hardest milestones for birth parents? I decided to ask on the forums. As you can imagine, just about everything was covered.

The first year brings a bunch to mind. Things like the first time they slept through the night, the first real smile (or even the first "fake" gas smile!) or the transition... more

Over on the forums in a section dedicated to discussion about raising boys, a member posed a question asking others about their "fantasy families." The question revolved around whether or not your current family makeup was how you envisioned it when you were a youngster and included things like marriage, housing arrangements and children.

To be blunt, in my wildest dreams, I never imagined myself as a birth mother. To be frank, it's not what I... more

Until my son used the word "tragic" to describe our situation, I had not associated my adoption loss with that word. However, it does totally apply. I love commenters who stretch my mind, and make me think. Happygirlphd did that with her comment below after this post.

You call the circumstances of that pregnant woman (and later birth mother) tragic. I wonder if you consider all cases of considering or deciding to place a child for... more

Before I left for vacation several weeks ago, a fellow birth mother began launching an attack on me. (She also has attacked others as well.) In retrospect, I believe that I hurt her feelings and angered her because I did not publicly stand up for her when she felt that I should, nor did I link her to my blog when she asked that I do so. (She is unaware of my behind the scene objections when I felt that she was unfairly attacked.)

She also has different ideas than I do about how to approach adoption reform. I do not approve of her approach,... more

"I would really like to hear from any birth mothers or pregnant women considering adoption, who are working/have worked with LDS-linked adoption agencies, or are considering/have considered LDS adoptive parents for their baby."

Contact: F.Cannell@lse.ac.uk if you can provide her with the birth mother's point of view in LDS adoptions. Fenella Cannell from the U.K. emailed me and asked if I would post this request for her. She is an anthropologist and needs some feedback from birth... more

There are many focuses to devote one’s attention to in adoption. Sometimes we become frustrated because our priorities (or battles) differ from those of another person. As committed as we are to our special focus, we may not understand or accept why someone else has a different place to focus their attention. If our focus seems the most important one to us, we might think everyone should concentrate on the same issue. And yet, I wonder sometimes. Don’t we need different people to focus on different areas in adoption? ... more

Recently, as Jan was discussing how adoption can invade every part of our lives, a mother who considered placement spoke up. She is not the first mother to comment on these blogs that chose to parent after considering adoption while pregnant. In fact, we have seen quite a few of them come through our pages and the forums and I'm sure we will see more in the future. Why the draw back to adoption? Roni, a commenter on that post and... more