Many states in the US have what are called Safe Haven laws where a Mother can take a child to a hospital, fire house or police station within a certain amount of time after delivery and face no charges of abandonment. These laws are widely controversial for many reasons. But I'm not here to talk about the US state of Safe Haven law. Instead, we're going to look at a recent, similar happening in Italy, how they feel about birth parents, and what their laws say about the matter.

Here's... more

Several days ago, I first read about the twins who were taken by their birth mother, Allison Quets. I was initially reluctant to even broach the subject for some very specific reasons.

Every time a rare story such as this one surfaces, some adoptive parents jump on the bandwagon and take off. They get hyper judgmental and use this sort of story as a reason to not adopt domestically. Since the risks of coercion in domestic adoptions are so real, I am not a fan of most domestic adoptions anyway.

Even worse, this type of story fuels those who... more

I've been quiet on the matter but since it's finally been mentioned here on the blogs, I feel I need to state a little more view in hopes of rounding it out a bit. In adoption, there's not just two sides to a story.

Allison Quets went above the law when she took her birth children, twins, on a scheduled visit and did not return them at the assigned time. As a law abiding citizen, I cannot support taking matters into your own hands. It doesn't do any party any bit of good in the end and only further hurts those that are uninvolved in the situation. (More on that in a few moments.)

However,... more

Is it too late to say Bah Humbug? It is? Too bad. I've got a bunch of Bah Humbugs (and some other choice words) for the writer of this so-called feature article. "Living with Children" by John Rosemond started out offensive, redeemed itself as the author learned about proper adoption language from a Mother who had written in and then takes a nose-dive into absolute stupidity.

Let's take a gander where things start to fall apart. Again.

in our email exchange, I had expressed my view on so-called "open" adoption, and... more

I thought maybe it was hard to find a therapist with any iota of experience in birth parent grief and loss because I live in the middle of nowheresville. I blamed it on rural life which brings about less resources, less people and less discussion about adoption on the whole. Of course, after a bitter, two year search, I found my wondrous therapist. However, today's article in the Detroit News helped me understand a little more.

Well, I mean, I guess I... more

A reporter who spent some time this year at the CUB retreat has written a series of articles about birth mothers for the Detroit News. The first is in today's on-line issue of the newspaper. Check it out, and I will write more about this later.

I need to warn you: get tissues. I also need to warn you: it's a simply happy adoption story. Some of you like that and some of you don't. The story doesn't "dig deeper" or call for reforms. It hits the main points and leaves you with a simultaneous broken heart and hope for this child's future.

It's from the Chicago Tribune. Link here.

Both a sacrifice and a gift In 1987, Tracey Conner gave up her baby girl. In 2006, after a long separation, she was there as her daughter weighed the same choice.

By... more

Serious and controversial are the rights of birth fathers. And with that comes the fifth recommendation in the Birthparent Study.

Recommendation 5: Require more aggressive protection of birthfathers’ rights by mandating their identification by birthmothers whenever possible, and by personally notifying all possible fathers of adoption proceedings. In states where putative father registries exist, they should be widely... more

No one chimed in on my request for opinions on the fourth recommendation, so I'll just say this: J & D lasted the required thirty days in the state of Pennsylvania. They didn't even avoid contact with me at that time out of fear that I'd think, "Aww, the kid sounds cute."

So why can't you?

It is my personal belief that if better counseling for expectant families (as followed by these recommendations and beyond)... more

Part One, Part Two and Part Three.

4a? Oh yes. Part 4a. This one may take a few posts to look at fully. It's controversial, heavy in subjectry and consequence and involves more than just the birth parent side of the triad. It needs a thorough look which I hope to accomplish. And now, the controversial fourth recommendation:

Recommendation 4: Modify state laws on the... more