With 2009 waiting just a few ticks around the clock away from us, I wonder what your goals are for 2009. And not weight loss goals. (I mean, I have one, too, but that's not what I'm aiming for this evening.) I'm talking about goals as a birth parent.

Whether you are in an open adoption, a closed adoption or reunion, there's a big chance that you can make some positive changes in your relationship(s) this year. Even if you've had a great year, surely there are improvements that you could make. Little ones, big ones, it doesn't matter. An improvement is an improvement.... more

2008 has been a whirlwind year here on the birth parent blog. Both personally and in general, it has been a year of growth. As with all years, there were some setbacks, road blocks and general tripping up of feet and words but, on the whole, it was a good year.

If I could say anything about this year and what writing on the birth parent blog here at AdoptionBlogs has taught me, it would be this: While we're all experiencing a unique set of circumstances, we're still all in this together.

I don't mean just birth parents. I don't mean just adoptive parents.... more

I've seen a lot of negativity directed at one's self coming from the birth parent world as of late. It is absolutely heartbreaking to me. Not surprising but still heartbreaking. Why not surprising?

Birth parents often experience a loss of a sense of self in the aftermath of relinquishing a child. It is quite possible, as well, that they went into the relinquishment process or pregnancy itself with a lower self-esteem than the general public. (Statistics argue for and against that at times. It depends on which birth parent you talk to.) Many times a birth parent will start out with a high regard for the decision that was made but eventually be filled with self-doubt or self-hatred due... more

We've been discussing a lot about anger, its many forms and the way we express or neglect to express the emotion over on the forums. It has been a really interesting look into how birth parents and adoptive parents communicate what is largely an avoided emotion. (Not just by adoption folk but the population in general.)

Having been in therapy for almost three years now and made the progress I have in my own journey, I am devastated to... more

Marie wrote about how the death of her own mother has been affecting her children. It has caused some regression in their behaviors because, as she said, loss is another trauma. I've been experiencing that in my own journey over the past month and a half. My grandfather passed away in mid-September. While it wasn't a huge surprise as he had been declining in his health for quite some time and had been in the hospital for a few weeks, it was still a blow to me and to my family. To boot,... more

A very interesting question was posed on the Communication Between Birth and Adoptive Parents forum. The subject wasn't really clear as it simply read, like mine does here, "Your biggest obstacle." To what? Parenting? Adopting? Getting through the living room strewn with toys? But the first post went into detail as to what the question was really about:

What has been the biggest obstacle you've had to overcome in your... more

There was one blatant adoption reference in this week's Secrets (over at Post Secret) and one subtle, probably-not-adoption-related but I-viewed-it-as-such-anyway kind of secret. We'll start with the not-so-subtle one first. It read:

I play the Lotto so I can afford to adopt a child.

While I was pregnant... more

An adoptive parent started a very interesting thread on the General Adoptive Parents forum. The subject read: Has adopting made you stronger, better or more tolerant? After reading through a few of their well-thought-out answers, I spun it for the Birthparent Support forum: Has placing made you stronger, better or more tolerant? While one person completely misunderstood the intent of the post, we continued... more

A new birth mother posted a question on the forums. Her question hit home with me and, I venture to guess, with many other mothers who have been through the relinquishment process.

When do you start feeling anything again after placing your child for adoption? It's been three months since he was born and I haven't felt anything since the day after I came home...

That numb feeling this particular birth mother is talking about isn't an isolated... more

I was reading through today's Sunday Secrets over on the Post Secret blog and one really stuck out. Not initially. I read through all of them and kept coming back to the one. It really has nothing to do, specifically, with adoption.

My secret's no longer true.

It really got me thinking.

If you had sent an adoption related secret in when Post Secret began (as... more