A recent post of open adoption blogger Deb generated quite a few comments - mostly from us birth moms. Deb presented a news story that she considered a positive one.

In fact, there were some positive parts that I noted in the news article. However, there was also alot in the article that smacked of typical discouraging rhetoric. I believe that we all have the right to highlight any news articles we care to, and I never take it personally if I hate an article.

With... more

When I posted last week on the topic of coming out as a birthmother, I got an interesting comment which I partially addressed but feel it broaches more issues to discuss. From Sandra over at the Older Parent Adoption Blog, we have this comment:

I must... more

The secrecy, shame, guilt, self-blame, feelings of selfishness and loss leave scars on birth mothers' self-esteem.

The quote above is from an article at Adoption.com about birth parent grief and loss. Harboring secrets is costly to one's mental health for most people. Medical experts even agree that it is stressful to live your life hiding dramatic secrets.

Keeping the adoption of your child a secret... more

What would you do if your 13-year old daughter told you that she was miserable living with her adoptive mother and wanted to come live with you?

What if since birth she had regular contact with you and the rest of her birth family? What if your daughter's adoptive mother had remarried recently and your daughter complained bitterly about her new step-dad?

Would you flat out her tell "No, there is no way that you can live with me?" Would you make her feel that her idea to live with you was absolutely absurd?... more

Continued from Part One, the top five statements/questions continue to cut a little deeper into a birth parent's heart and soul.

5. "Did you give up your baby because you didn't know who the father is?" Sometimes I wonder if the person asking this type of question truly realizes that they just used a more polite way of saying, "Hey! You're a big whore!" Beyond making comments about... more

My co-blogger Jan has covered the top ten things not to say to a birth mother in reunion. Coley has talked about what not to say to an expectant mother considering placement. So why do we need another list? While some... more

Telling others that you placed a child for adoption is often no easy task. Depending on what part of the country and the community that you live in are only a few factors that probably affect your decision. (I live in Southern California, lucky me!) The type of family you have is generally a factor as well. Your cultural or ethnic background are factors as well.

Obviously, if your adoption is open, keeping your child a secret is more problematic. However, you may still be leery of telling people that you placed a child for adoption. There are many reasons... more

Jenna generously shares photos with us in bloggerland. I love seeing photos of adorable Nick with his ever present grin. It seems so obvious that he is a happy and most loved baby. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, and his photos show me a content, well taken care of baby. It seems obvious that he has two parents who dote on him. Other bloggers happily show off their beautiful children as well. Mo, Grant,the Moose, and Sandra to name just a few kindly provide photos of their little ones. Angela and Michelle also provide cute photos... more

Last week's question was:

What do you believe is the worst part of being a birth parent?

I got two responses this week - thanks to those who shared!

Two votes for hearing their child call somehow else mom and all the ordinary motherhood joys as being the worst part of being a first parent.

Few birth parents really have an inkling of how the loss of their child will impact their futures and those of their child. Many birth parents that I know would never have relinquished their children to adoption had they known how... more

Part One.

Shortly before the response from my co-worker arrived, I got a comment in my inbox from an old high school friend. She, too, had experienced an unplanned and unwed pregnancy shortly after we graduated. She went on to marry her son's father and have another (beautiful!) daughter. I feared discussing Munchkin's placement with her for a variety of reasons. Again, the whole idea of "she could do it so why couldn't" I came in to play. On top of that, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to look like an utter failure to those that with whom I graduated. To me, for always, placement... more