When the young mom in part 1 was eight and a half months pregnant, she was whisked to an adoption agency and spent several hours there. That her child would be relinquished now seemed inevitable even though it was the last thing she would ever want. She was numb and nearly dazed dreading what was about to happen. Yet, she felt powerless to stop the wheels in motion.

Her memories of that afternoon are hazy and very limited. She read none of the papers placed before her, but signed... more

A baby crib with colorful soft covers was ready and waiting in anticipation of the new baby soon to be born. A brightly colored and cheerful mobile hung waiting to be enjoyed by a wiggly new baby. The basement stored cases of infant formula on hand for the baby-to-be.

The cozy house at the top of winding stone steps overlooking the harbor was preparing for the arrival of a new family member. A young 21 year old mother, eight months pregnant was eagerly looking forward to the birth of her second child. For this stay-at-home mom, she was healthy,... more

Although we like to believe that each child deserves their birth to be a celebratory time of rejoicing, we rarely allow that occasion for a child of adoption. Instead, we caution a mother to begin to forget about her bond with her child sometimes even before the birth. We instruct her to detach herself from her child, to let go and not dwell on the loss of her child.

Yet, should our children be given the message that they are so forgettable? Shouldn't we honor and rejoice in their birth no matter what happens next? Is forgetting dishonoring our children?... more

Women who relinquish babies to adoption may experience a need to forget about the traumatic moment in their lives in which they surrendered their child. Although some women try desperately to forget about that most painful time in their life, rarely is a woman ever able to forget completely. The need to forget stems from a desire to rid yourself of the pain associated with remembering such a dark and bitterly heart-wrenching time.

Birth mothers may go to elaborate measures in attempts to find ways to block out the events surrounding the birth and adoption... more

You might think that social workers, especially those who work in adoptions, would understand adoption. However, from what I can tell, most social workers do not seem all that educated either about adoption. On the other hand, adoption is their business, and it is how they make a living. Is it reasonable to expect that they will try to convince a woman that adoption might harm her or cause lifelong issues for her? Adoption attorneys are unlikely to be anything less than positive about the affects of adoption either. Again, they profit... more

One way to dismiss a birth mother and her pain is to imply that she is solely to blame for her situation. After all, "No one twisted your arm, right?" However, it is far more complicated than that. Sometimes the pressure may be very subtle, but equally as successful at affecting a woman's decision. Lack of self esteem can also play a role in a relinquishment. Not having adequate information about adoption is a huge factor as well. Many people who know little about the nature of unplanned pregnancies have some very unusual ideas about... more

In my mind, there seems to be something fundamentally flawed in our society as to how we sometimes view pregnancy in young women. The message we send to young women is that getting pregnant is one of the worst events that could ever happen to them - if they are unmarried. If a married woman becomes pregnant, no matter what her life circumstances, her condition is generally celebrated and approved. Could being married be that crucial and make such a difference? Should a new life ever be viewed as a tragedy that might ruin your life?

Now before... more

Several weeks ago, I received from a reader for a post about studies that document the affects of adoption on birth parents and adoptees. I am providing links which provide both studies and articles that address how adoption affects adoptees and birth parents.

Relinquishment of a newborn child may be profoundly damaging to birthparents and cause lifelong pain and suffering. Even when relinquishment is a carefully considered and chosen option, birthmothers—and often birthfathers—may suffer from a heightened sense of worthlessness after giving... more

Lately I have been reading about all the negative treatment and comments that both adoptive and birth mom receive at times. Deb and Jenna both discussed how shunned they feel by other mothers sometimes. Unfortunately, there are many thoughtless and insensitive folks in this world. Many otherwise kind and decent people are unwittingly clueless and cruel due to their lack of education about adoption. However, I have a theory about how to handle both categories of people. Some days you can do nothing but ignore them, and I understand that.... more

Just when I think I have heard everything, I hear someone make a comment that totally floors me. This remark was made to the wife of one my husband's co-workers who is currently pregnant with twins. Recently she was out in public somewhere and a woman commented on the enormity of her pregnant stomach. She explained that she was expecting twins.

Hmmm, there are any number of ways that you could be terribly insensitive and respond to that news, right? I believe that this woman outdid herself. What do you suppose that she said? How about, "My goodness, I hope... more