One of the most annoying aspects of adoption agency ads is the statement that they can find “the perfect family for your baby.” To begin with, this implies that a baby’s family of birth is not the perfect family for it. Who better to raise a baby that people who are “like” that baby when and if they are willing and able to parent? Shouldn't they be the best family to raise their own child when possible? Apparently, adoption agencies believe the old theory that sometimes God does put babies in the wrong tummies. The “perfect”... more

Some of these facts and figures might surprise you.

One study at a residential facility for pregnant teens found that a disproportionate number of those who relinquished were from upper-middle-class families, living in the suburbs or small cities, and from intact families with highly educated parents (Moore & Davidson, 2002).

Wait, middle-class families? Oops, there goes another birth parent stereotype down the drain. Hmmm, what about the idea that birth... more

When many of my birth mother friends became pregnant as teens in the 60’s, their parents told them that raising a child as a single young mom would ruin their lives. Sometimes young unmarried women in college relinquished babies thinking that raising a child would destroy their dreams. Plus they worried about names that their children might be called. Some young women today worry that a baby before you are ready might put a serious crimp in their plans. They might be unwilling to parent worried that they might end up stuck on public... more

One of the difficulties with being a birth mother is that sometimes people forever judge you for that past decision for relinquishing your child to adoption. Either that or they want to congratulate you for doing "the right thing" by not having an abortion. Neither is always appropriate.

However, I do not expect people to criticize or demean me for that adoption decision. I am my own harshest critic. In my particular situation, I believe that it was not necessarily the right choice. I do not feel it appropriate or warranted for people to demonize,... more

For quite some time, I have struggled to understand the positions that some adoptive parents take when there is talk of tougher guidelines to adopt or when adoption is criticized in general. After considering it for a time, I realized that when there is talk of making adoption requirements less stringent, birth parents are highly affected as well, but in a different way.

However, I finally had an epiphany of sorts and think I have reached a conclusion as to why many of us are so firmly entrenched in our differing positions. The love... more

Abortion and adoption are beginning to be bantered about among the Presidential wannabees. For once, I would love to hear a candidate talk about adoption as if they really know something about it. Here's what I would like to tell the candidates.

Dear Presidential Candidates,

You will be discussing issues of great significance to many people. Undoubtedly, the abortion debate will be an issue to be discussed. When discussions of abortion ensue, adoption is usually mentioned as well.

Approximately one out of six Americans has... more

Somehow I get really excited when I read an article by an adoptive parent that meshes perfectly with how I feel about a specific adoption issue. Real Choices is one of those articles that excited me when I found it.

"Adoption. We can live with that."

I suppose part of my enthusiasm is due to the fact that I have some belief that adoptive parents may find more credibility in the words of another adoptive... more

Who Decides for me and my Child? reveals attitudes of some adoption social workers. I commend the adoptive mother who wrote this article for challenging this sort of behavior. Unfortunately, the kind of attitude mentioned in this article is not uncommon.

All social workers do not operate in the same manner. Social workers are no more all alike than birth mothers. Yet, we sometimes tend to demonize social workers at times as we do birth mothers.... more

When I hear people complain about how hard it is to adopt, and how unfair all that screening is, etc., I automatically think about my son and have a visceral reaction. I feel insulted in a way. My son and all adopted children deserve the same opportunities and chance for success as any other children. They are not second best because they are relinquished to adoption. Our flaws as parents caused that decision, not theirs. When a child’s original parents choose to place a child for adoption, or have their rights judicially taken... more

My husband mentioned the other day what a unique adoption story Nicole Richie has and suggested it as a blog topic. We saw an interview with Lionel Ritchie on television some time ago, and he discussed his daughter’s adoption.

My dear husband was blown away at the whole story about why Nicole came to be adopted by the Richies. I was astounded that Lionel Ritchie would share a story that would cast him in such a negative light. Maybe he did not realize how bad it would sound. Another possibility is that he did not care, and/or was just being honest. Nevertheless, it... more