Many birth parents say that their children's birthdays are extremely painful for them. The challenge is to figure out how to not gloss over the pain, yet to survive the day as well as you possibly can. I cannot say that I dealt with this issue prior to reunion myself.

Actually, that is not true. In my own way, I did deal with my son's birthday by blocking out the date. Subconsciously, I figured out early on that if I remembered the date, it would be excruciating on his birthday every year for the rest of my live. (I did not anticipate... more

Continued from Part One.

I had no one to discuss my strange emotions with at that time. Some things I felt were completely new to me. Watching everyone celebrate when I felt as though someone had ripped a hole in my heart only added salt to the wounds. I didn't want to burden J or D on a day that was so important in their life and the Munchkin's life, so I suffered in silence.

Throughout the party, I kept thinking that someone would realize how important... more

The Munchkin's first birthday was an emotional roller coaster that I was in no way prepared for on any emotional level. It was understood early in the first year that the Munchkin would have a first birthday party and that I was to be invited. I looked forward to the event with excitement. I thought it would be like any other first birthday party. I was emotionally blind to the effect that such an event would have on me, the Munchkin's birth mother.

Unfortunately, my Husband (then fiance) was unable to make the trip with me, leaving me to flub my way... more

To lighten things a little after my heavy post, I'll talk about an experience I had this past weekend. Nicholas was invited to his little library girlfriend's first birthday party. She attended his in November and returned the invitation. We bought her some books, dressed him in his "I'd Rather Be Getting a Tattoo" onesie and headed to the pink and purpose soiree.

Oh, yes, pink and purple. Out the wazoo! It was decorated as perfectly as you would imagine a princess themed first birthday party. Nick's little... more

Happy Birthday, D.

Thoughts of you fill my mind today. Not that you don't often cross my mind but today is a special day, dedicated to you, which is perfect for thinking about the little things that make you... you.

Three years and three birthdays have passed since we first met one another. The Munchkin came into our lives and brought us together for reasons we're still learning. And then weddings. Laughter. Tears. Pregnancies. JD. Nicholas. More laughter. More tears. We've learned a lot over the past three... more

This year's birthday party was better than the first birthday party. (I did not attend the second birthday party.) However, even though I didn't end up hiding outside on the phone with my Mom, I did find some things to be harder than I had expected. After talking with some other birth mothers, I think I am learning that even with advances in understanding and acceptance, some things will always be hard. For me, singing "Happy Birthday" is next to impossible.

Munchkin's birthday party was at Chuck E. Cheese this year.... more

It wasn't my birthday. It was the Munchkin's "Special Day" as we referred to it all day to make her feel like the Princess that she is, inside and out. However, I got a special gift at the end of the day. It wasn't something that needed unwrapped. No one handed it to me. I can't wear it. I can't even show it to you.

I got to tuck the Munchkin into bed and read her bed time stories.

You have no idea. Just absolutely, 100%, no idea what that meant to me this evening. It was an emotionally taxing day, at best. It came... more

Munchkin,

Today you are three. Three. 1095 days of you. The world is a better place because you are in it. Your smile lights up a room. Your voice is a beautiful song. Your laughter could make the hardest of hearts smile.

It's hard to think of what to write. But I should say something about this year. It's been amazing to be in your life this year. Your personality has grown by leaps and bounds. You are intelligent and fun to be around even in your grouchy moments. Your growth and advancement this year has been a joy to witness, to be a part... more

I knew that on this day, three years ago, I would go into labor. I just knew it. I was at my parents house to stay for the remainder of my pregnancy, my apartment sitting empty. Too many bouts of preterm labor frightened us all and left us feeling that it was safer for me to have someone near with a longer drive to the hospital than be totally alone without a way to get to the nearby hospital anyway. But you see, on this evening three years ago, everyone was leaving The Farm but me and my little brother.

My parents... more

I've been quiet for the past few days. I get introspective and withdrawn around the Munchkin's birthday which is, of course, fast approaching. I'll talk more about my emotional issues over the next few days. Today I need to talk about Munchkin's birth father, L, and how he is or is not dealing with her birthday.

Today D let me know that J had caleld L to let him know that we're having a small get together at Chuck E. Cheese (!!) for Munchkin's birthday. It does happen to be during the week and... more