You might have noticed that I have been quiet for a few days. My daughter's birthday was this past weekend. While I was better able to process the emotions of the day than in any other past year, it was still an emotional time in general. I am happy to report that I have finally taken the advice of some other birth parents and now feel inspired to pass them on to you.

Every year, people have encouraged me to buy (because I don't make) a cake for the Munchkin's birthday. I have not ever done so for various reasons. One being that I am a horrible procrastinator.... more

Today my baby turns one. I have no idea where the past year has gone. I feel very blessed and very shocked that the year has flown by so quickly. Still, here we are, waiting for the baby (who is no longer a baby) of the family to wake up so we can celebrate his life, his existence, his place in our family.

I wrote just last week of how my older son's birthday brought up emotions and memories of his sister's birth and life. I am feeling something totally different today. It is... more

Today is a birthday day in our home. It is not the birthday of the daughter that I relinquished for adoption. It is the birthday of my first parented child, my oldest son. It is a happy, celebratory day even if there is a cold seemingly making its way back into our house. I am so proud of my big boy and am constantly amazed with all he does and so, on his birthday, I feel very blessed to be his Mommy.

But his birthday is also a reflective time for me.

Birthdays really are for most parents. Time is spent remembering the day the child was born or joined... more

I've been doing very well this year. You wouldn't believe how organized I have been! In fact, you might be jealous when I tell you that I am done Christmas shopping for my boys! Their birthdays are both in the next week and a half and I've actually been done with those since last month. I've been on top of it all! Grandparent gifts. Friends. You name it, I've got it purchased or planned-to-purchase.

And perhaps that is why I haven't had time to dwell on what else is going on in my life. My daughter, relinquished for adoption, will be celebrating her birthday... more

It comes in spurts. What does? Everything. As a birth parent, I've learned that all of my emotions come in spurts. From anger to happiness to sadness to growth, each group of things seems to come together in little groups. I've seen other birth parents say similar things so I'm thinking it may not be a singular reaction. But, for the purposes of this blog, I'll speak singularly about my experience.

When I look at the calendar year, I can pretty much predict how I will be feeling about the adoption and our relationships at any given time. Her birthday, as... more

I love the act of giving. I like the hunt for the perfect present, keeping the intended receiver's personality, likes and dislikes in mind as I scour the internet or a store. I am not really good at wrapping said gifts but I love watching the eyes of the receiver as it is removed from whatever packaging. The look of joy or elation or sentiment in their eyes is the only thank you I require. However, when it comes to purchasing gifts for my daughter, it's often fraught with worry and anxiety.

Will she liked what I've... more

While your child's birthday is hard enough in its own way, others' birthdays, anniversaries, wedding or other celebratory moments might be uniquely difficult as well. Close friends and family members who were involved in the adoption process, whether in a positive or negative fashion, may provide you with strange emotions on their most celebratory day. Why? And what can you do about it? And do I have an example? Of course.

My brother's birthday is my own particularly hard for me. Frankly, it has almost nothing to do with my brother other than he happened to be born in the month of April. I was living away from home during his birthday that year and was trying, in vain, to reach him... more

For birth parents in open adoption, birthday parties may be part of your yearly visit schedule. However, just because it's part of your normal schedule doesn't mean that it will feel the same as every other visit. Likewise, for birth parents who have entered reunion, Birthdays are often emotionally charged days for birth parents of all types. So, how can you make it through such a day while simultaneously making small talk with your placed child's extended family and trying to create lasting memories?

Very carefully. Even more than being a host of a child's birthday party, it is important to remember certain things. Some are important to remember for your benefit and some are important... more

For birth parents in closed adoption, birthdays are not spent with their child as he grows over the years. In reunion, the adult adoptee has the sole right of deciding how to spend his day. Even birth parents in fully open adoptions complete with visits may experience years in which attending a birthday party is not an option. With all of the emotional ties to the day added to the sorrow of being separated, is there any way to "celebrate" such an occasion? Can we do more than just "survive?"

In my experience, yes and no. While we have a fully open adoption with visits, I have missed one birthday party and will be missing another this year. While some would say that I have more to celebrate... more

Part one. For some birth mothers, it helps to spend the day with a close friend who understands and can provide some comfort on that day. Give each other manicures and pedicures, or try a spa or nail salon and pamper yourself. Spend some quiet time wandering around a museum, library or local public gardens. Try to figure out what will comfort you. It food works, hit the local chocolate store and treat yourself. Chocolate always works wonders for me.

If you need tears... more